Bye Bye 2008

This was intended to be posted on 31/Dec but I doubt if I'll be in the right frame of mind to do it. So we do some "push button publishing" tonight. Here's a mix of the highlights and lessons. 2008. The year that was...

TISS, TISS, TISS! The biggest moment of 2008. How much ever I tyoe, I would never be able to do justice to that exhilarating feeling!!

Moving into The House... Finally!

Leaving Hyd. It's still one of my favourite holiday places and I love the people but I'm glad I moved back home. My life needed that sense of discipline. and who can resist home cooked food? :)

Finding a roomie as insane as I am. PBR, you're truly one of a kind! Now bring some Macher Jhol in the 3rd sem, thikache?

Becoming an Un-jinxed member of the club. This time without any drama :)

Forging relationships with some amazing people.

Understanding how much the girls mean to me!

Still not understanding the idiosyncrasies of the male species... Homo sapiens in particular.

Losing the Hyd weight. I still have a long way to go but it's a start.

Finally ending all those friendships that didn't hold any value... Accepting that they're over and being okay with it.

Strawberry Fields Forever? :)

Being rather docile for most parts of the year.

Happy 22 to me! One of my most wonderful birthdays ever. Once again, thank you people!! :)

Making use of my blog.

Getting girlie without losing the madness! :)

errr... ummmm.. aaaa.. uh huh!

Working with ACT. I love every minute of it.

And for the moment that i might be too drunk to talk about (if I remember anything):

Spending New Years eve with my favourite people! *Muah*

I may have missed out on a few moments but heck, I don't care! There were ups, downs, highs, lows (some being very very low) but over all, 2008 has been brilliant. 2009 may hold a lot more in store but right now we hold onto truckloads of memories and enjoy the ride into a brand new beginning :)

"Absence is to love as wind is to fire; It extinguishes the small and enkindles the great."

- Roger de Bussy-Rabutin


Just a thought that I like. No deeper meanings.

The Bucket List is on its way.. watch this space...

This is for you, oh li'l one. Everytime I meet you, spend those two hours with you - listening to you talk, watching you nod your head when you understand something, your sincere effort to learn, seeing you smile with innocence and glee - I walk out with an overwhelming sense of peace. You make me forget about my worries and I realise how inconsequential and insignificant things are in the big picture :)

On My Playlist...

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

Isn't is strange that I wish for things to stay just the way they are; not change for the better or the worse? If I make a conscious effort to look at my life, I'm amazed at my levels of indifference! Initially, I felt I was being pushed to feel that way but I don't think so anymore. It's just the way I've become. I've cushioned myself so well that when I fall from the clouds, I'll bruise nothing :) I've turned numb to sorrow, anger, irritation, anxiety...Coach would probably kill me for being this way but I don't want to snap out of it. On one hand, the attention is soaring and it was putting me off till a few day ago and on the other hand, there is a breakdown. I guess it just neutralizes everything. I don't feel like I've been shortchanged nor do I feel like a million bucks. For once, I'm not swinging towards the extremes and I actually like it. My emotions are turning dormant and I'm okay with it. I don't feel the need to reach out to anybody and I'm okay with that too. I continue to be as blah as ever and that is most definitely okay! Everyday, I grow up a 'little more'....

Is it just me or does the world actually look like it's full of love and care? Should get myself checked for Christmas Fever...




Christmas Fever it is! Ho ho ho :)

C Boy, Thank you for a beautiful day! I can't tell you how much you mean to me. It feels wonderful to know you! :)

At the onset, let me allow the feeling to pass - The nagging feeling that makes me want to abuse that A*****E!

In the last 10 years, at no point (before 9 PM) have I felt unsafe in my city. I have always believed that the people around are helpful and friendly. But society always has its bunch of frustrated, disgusting, screwed up perverts who think that any girl walking on the road should be converted into material for their F*** all fantasies!

I do some volunteer work for an NGO that manages kids. I was a couple of steps away from the centre when a guy got off his bike and went to the nearest wall. I ignored his actions as I thought he probably had to relieve himself. Answering nature's call is probably the second most popular national pastime (the first being spitting). Only, instead of facing the wall, he turned towards me and very shamelessly started flashing his organs... right there, in broad daylight... And began using some colourful language. My first instinct, in unexpected situations, is aggression and for a millisecond I stopped to pick up a stone. But I realised that the roads were empty, with not a soul in sight (except that bastard and me). Feeling rather helpless, I made a dash for it and ran to the centre. I spent my time there constructively but the incident was stuck in my head.

No, it isn't going to scar me for life or imbibe me with fear. But sometimes I feel that growing up as a girl in this country restricts my freedom as an individual. Why is it that we're the ones who are always told to dress, talk, eat, behave in a way that will not draw attention and have to live under suspicion all the time? Do mothers/fathers/family not teach their oh-so-beloved boys how to behave in public? It disgusts me to no end!

All evening there's been a recurring thought. The incident took place a few metres away from a place where little kids go to have fun, learn and interact with people. How safe is their neighbourhood?

As for that guy, I just hope no one ever abuses his child. The world can really do with some moral cleansing!

DB!! On your list you forgot to add this - You're the best person in Bangalore :)

It's tough for me to explain what I'm going through right now.

When I was 18 and my "young and stupid" phase stared at me right in the face, I had made a couple of promises to myself and accepted a few things as the absolute truth that wouldn't change with time and circumstances. Yes, it made me the cynical nut that I am but at least I was content and at peace. Why is it so difficult for me to live like that again?

I read a note on my phone which I had typed out long ago. I had even forgotten about it. The language is simple, no profound philosophy or thoughts doing the rounds and I relate to every word right now.

I would really like to know why the time and space were chosen. It has nothing to do with the emotions. I don't doubt them even for a second. It's just that the actions, sporadic bouts and nonchalance point towards a very puzzling state of affairs.

I would prefer honest opinions to customary actions or lines.

For the two people I happen to refer to by the same name - Why do I turn a deaf ear to all that you say?

I believe that happiness can't be hidden. If it exists, it would find a way to shine. Why do I sense a lack of any kind of joy?

Dance like no one's watching. Sing like no one's listening. Live like there's no tomorrow. Love like you've never been hurt? I don't have a problem with the first three. I don't know if I am capable of the last.

And in the end, we surrender to this...



But in the meantime
you are bound to fall
'Cause your wounds are gonna heal
You're gonna learn just how to deal
With unequal love

Uh huh...

I practice every day to find some clever lines to say
To make the meaning come through
But then I think I'll wait until the evening gets late
And I'm alone with you

The time is right your "perfume" fills my head, the stars get red
And oh the nights so blue
And then I go and spoil it all, by saying something stupid
Like: I love you

More Confessions....

Some days I wish I had Calvin's imagination.

I live romances in my head. Candlelight, dinner for two, walks under the moon, star gazing, "too close for comfort".. All of it.

I hate it when people litter. It boils my blood.

I can't bottle up my feelings. Being frank all the time might come across as childish but that's exactly how I am.

My right foot's bigger than my left foot

When I sit in a bus or in a restaurant I have to face the door. Any other way disturbs my senses.

I have an indifference folder. I really do. You trouble me too much and that's where you get placed.

I don't form first impressions but I believe that vibes stay on for years to come.

I don't like the word "Ugly". I try not to use it when I talk.

My greatest fear is that I will die without telling people how much I love them. This is the first time I'm being open about it.

I'm still a cleanliness freak.

I can blow spit bubbles. It's damn cool!

I have a bucket list and I intend to strike every little thing mentioned there.

Contrary to popular belief, I'm very boring to drink with.

I love my nose. It's a typical Palghat Iyer nose.

It doesn't take too much to make me smile.

Pink is not my favourite colour. White, Blue and Yellow are.

I still don't have a secret...

I totally, absolutely, completely, wholly, truly love being a girl.

*Yawn*

Everything seems so blah! "The return of the nerd" campaign ain't going nowhere, all the care is being washed away with ice cold water, the tummy now resembles a globe and I'm not proud of it - I would never want to be painfully skinny! I'm full bodied (minus an a**), I love food and trust me, for a girl, I can really eat!! Now only if we could incorporate some form of exercise into our "busy" schedule and stick to our diet for more than just a day... hmmm... More than anything else, I can't take another smirk and sarcastic comment from mommy dearest about my weight loss programme.. gotta make that flab disappear...

Everything still feels so blah... Like I told Rith, my alternate career option should take care of me for a while... I can use my All Stars to run away.. What fun!!

BLAH!!!

Ha! Finally found someone who's willing to strum his guitar and sing for me.... Yay!!! Thank you, Dhols :)

Ro, Christmas is almost here! Yay!! again

I will still kill anyone who tries to hurt Pits.

DB, I really wish everyone was as uncomplicated as you are.

Xubs, you're hilarious!

Bandy, Mrignaini, tu na jaane...

Chims, when are we meeting? :(

Rith, I'm picking up war strategies.

Tuts, get well soon and have a blast in Goa.

PBR, I miss you like crazy!!

Radio Partner, my life's chugging along...

AD, here's a hug to comfort you.


Blogs are nice things! :)

On My Playlist...

Refreshing, peppy and the woman can really sing!!

You may beg to differ but I hate the distance... in more ways than one... *sigh*

Dropping a note for my mad boy - I was very puzzled at the sudden change in behaviour.I always have been; so much so that I almost believed that it had become a pattern. This time I had to ask around. I got some very weird answers. Nothing fit right.

And then dinner happened last night! We finally bonded. Amidst all the wrapping paper, ribbons and tape, we caught up on all that we had left out on; like a couple of hours made up for so many months of not being around. In the end, it felt great to chuck all the not so good times behind us and get back to how it was, how we've known it to be.

Dhols, sometimes it's very hard for me to believe how well you actually know me. When you read my mind, it freaks me out!! But this friendship means a lot to me. I'm more than happy to be "the buddy" here. It gives me the freedom to be my crazy self. To be quite a pumpkin :)

Something I read long ago... There's a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone... Hmmm... Ultimately, love is a choice, me thinks :)

This is for one of the cutest people I know. The fights, not-talking-to-her phases (knowing quite well that the other was just as miserable), sorting things out on the NGV bench or building stairs, the surprise gifts, the crushes (How did we ALWAYS end up liking the same guy???), bus rides, love for food, school, holidays, 'terrace parties', phone conversations or rather the lack of them, confessions.... I could go on and on...But just so you know, you're worth all of it - My pretty Marathi girl

I'm glad I met you yesterday! That line in your song will always be true :)

Tu khush hai to lage ke jahan mein chhaayi hai khushi

I still love Pink! Discovering that was like my Ah-Ha moment of the day!! Someone's getting girlie and is enjoying every minute of it :)

And I thought the tear glands had dried up.. The world can go take a flying F***.. I'm done with all of it. And I don't have to feel bad. At the end of the day, I'm human too...

You say knock knock
I open the door wide to let you in
We talk over a cup of tea, perhaps several
And then it's time to leave

You say knock knock
I open the door wishing it's you
You walk in and we brew the tea together
And one day you realise it's coffee you crave for

I close my door and hope it remains that way
May the latch never be pulled down again
I have no one to wait for, no one to see
I sip my tea while it's still warm
Silence is a stranger no longer

You say knock knock
And use your key to let yourself in
I've grown to enjoy my tea by myself
You've left the door swinging

The wind blows hard
It creaks that wooden board
The hinges are getting loose
The door's opening wider

And then you say knock, knock
I'm pleased to see you
The tea boils over and flows over the counter
But it hardly matters
Using another cup makes me happy
And don't worry about doing the dishes
Just leave the door ajar, I've learnt to clean up the mess...

It's between a few sips of coffee, laughter, sneezes, story telling and darkness that you realise that Mom still gets all that you say and feel and Dad's still such a buddy! And all the emails, gtalk pinging, calls etc. can never fill in for the big brother...

On My Playlist

Obsessed!

I love the way December feels; almost as much as I love November :) While November's the month people get to pamper me, December is my "pamper yourself" time... And for those of you I like, maybe a few surprises are on their way.......

For that heart of gold....

I carry your heart with me(I carry it in
my heart)I am never without it(anywhere
I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)I want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart(I carry it in my heart)

- E. E. Cummings

Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind
Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves
The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach
Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow
Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free
Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands
With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves
Let me forget about today until tomorrow....

I wake up to a day of questions. All that I have known to be true, I begin to doubt because the answers I give myself don't fit perfectly. When things don't fall in place, it annoys me. I hate moments when my scales are disturbed and I lose my balance. It has been happening a lot of late. The only things that make sense to me are my folks and a bunch of friends. And music. It's strange that a couple of notes make me breathe again.

I don't want to be the cause of someone else's state of irritation and anger. If I can't make them smile or give them something to laugh about, why be there at all? Maybe I do recognise my lessons when they hit me in the face. It may not be the best practice to follow but I know I will look out for myself. If I don't, no one else will. I know I'm too wise to be fooled again. Like Coach says, some things find a place in the "Indifference folder". There is no reason for my life to be threaded with other elements.

Phew! That feels good!

Unconnected...

Terror attacks turn me numb. Not indifferent, just numb. There are always these stories of people missing death by a whisker.. not boarding a train, changing plans, taking another route instead of the usual..I turn numb to all of it. Death always makes me think of my own life. If I was to die tomorrow or even in the next minute, would I have any regrets? Nope. None whatsoever. I remember having an argument with someone who had an issue with the way I perceived life. He ultimately told me that I live in a beautiful little bubble and don't know what reality is about. The way I look at it is "yeah, there will always be problems, soap operas, drama etc. but if none of it is going to matter 20 years down the line, it's okay to laugh about it." I still live that way. And what always strikes me when I hear of people dying is that irrespective of who we are and what we would like to be, how insignificant we all are in the larger picture! Death is such a fine leveler.

I'm tired of being lazy! Never thought I would say that but it's the truth. I'm tired of giving myself all those excuses for things not going the way I would like them to and it's about time I took charge of my life. Few things on the list are getting myself a job that pays - I hate being financially dependent, fixing my teeth and most importantly, stop abusing my fortune! I want to go back to being a nerd...

This one's for you. It kills me when I make a mess of expressing how I feel. I don't need an ego massage. It's absolutely fine if you don't ever find the words to say all that you would like to. It's not right for me to mix my past and all my cynicism with you. I can't thank you enough for all that you are.. for all that you make me.

My girls.. all my girls... Muah!!

The Grand Finale

I turned 22 yesterday! It was one of my most amazing birthdays. I expected a few calls at 12 and was pleasantly surprised by the number of people who called. I was busy yakking on the phone when I heard a knock and someone screaming "Aunty, aunty". Dhols, Agi, DB and chocolate cake - I thought it was awfully sweet of you guys to drive all the way. Thank you!! My mom set the birthday mood by baking a sinful chocolate mousse cake and laying out quite a spread at lunchtime. And yes, the wine flowed...

At around 4 PM, I left to meet Piggy. The bus journey did me a lot of good. I love spending time by myself; more so on my day. Piggy had to drop off a couple of things at Cubbon Park so off we went. While walking towards the rocks (The rocks are attached to some crazy memories) I "bumped" into Agi, DB and Aaron! It took me a while to figure out what was happening. I walked to other side of the rocks and was welcomed by Chubby, Dinku and a huge bouquet of flowers. Then Shreyas arrived and my happiness doubled :) The only person missing (apart from Chims and Pits - useless women) was Dhols... who walked in like he was on an assignment and Travel & Living was paying him. There was cake, food and lots of laughter. Stray dogs too. Greedy me couldn't keep my eyes off the gift hamper which I ultimately won by dancing to "Jungle Jungle" (Gulzar, How could you come up with lyrics like that??)The gifts in were so carefully thought of and placed in the hamper. I now own a really big bag, a purple top, a blue bangle, strawberry lotion and a beautiful collage of photographs!! Being loved is a nice feeling. We went out for dinner and had a nice time. After stuffing myself with Bavarian chocolate, I crashed at DB's place and slept late into the morning.

It's rather funny how I wanted to spend a quiet birthday this year; meeting only people who mattered the most and existing like furniture the rest of the time. That's exactly what happened but not quite the way I expected it to and I'm G-L-A-D! Getting a year older has never felt this good... this great!

Thanks guys! XXXXs and OOOOs to all of you!:)

C G Am D

Guess who brought a guitar to the hostel room? Guess who's joining her in all the madness? Prometo and I may not be experts but we sure do play and sing for the love of music! Sheer bliss! :)

Nothing's happened in the last couple of hours. I'm not PMSing. Nobody said or didn't say anything that pricked. Yet, I am in a state of sadness. Not frustrated, hurt, irritated, angry... Just sad.

Maybe it was the conversation with mom in the morning. Ma, although I would love to listen to you and do my bit to bond with the family, I'm sorry. I can't let go of what happened the last time I was there. Nobody needs to judge my abilities or make me feel like a numbskull. I am capable of managing myself rather well. And deep down, I know that you feel I'm completely justified in keeping my distance. If I do land up there, it would only be for you because you never ask me for anything.

Maybe it was a class that I don't really understand. Sometimes I feel my age is a disadvantage because my experiences of being a mad, weird, spaced out 21 year old with zero experience in the line enrich the class in absolutely no way. The material design classes are such a welcome change because we're expected to look beyond society, caste, gender blah blah.. Quite honestly, sometimes I feel people need to lighten up. Heck, except for a handful of people, I don't connect with anyone else. It bugs me. It really does. I've discovered how much I hate small talk. Breaking the ice is something else. Trying to behave like my best friend is a No-No.

Maybe it's because I'm craving for good food, muddy paw prints, a holiday and a burst of creativity.

Maybe I just need a hug to tell me that everything will be ok...

Every night I thank:

- My folks who give me the space to be myself and love me just the way I am without any conditions

- My girls.. All of them.. who spoil me, mommify me, yell at me, stand up for me and make me feel special.

- The friends. I haven't a clue of what I would do if they weren't around.

- That unknown person who let me a take a step closer to my dream. Whoever you are, wherever you are; with all my heart, I hope you're happy and get the best of everything :)

- My stars. My weirdness is beginning to look normal. Uh huh! :)

Missing the girls! Really badly! :(

Wishlist..

*0*

I never got to hear the recording and I feel a little bad about it. But on the other hand, to be remembered in someone's happy high times leaves me with a nice feeling. Nishu, Ramuuu and Khan - Thank you so much! :)

H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S!! :)

Killing my phone's battery hasn't bothered me for a long time now.. and it continues to be that way..

Hostel Life!

Prometo and our giggles. Thums Up. D.H. food. Tea time snacks. Bandra. Sudden affinity for roadside shorts. Alarm clocks. Bunk beds (or houses as P refers to them). Clothes everywhere. The mirror in the corridor. Madness in the room. Exchanging love stories. TISS labrador. Ajwain. Reliance Fresh. Dead baby jokes. Gurus of Peace and Tarun Tahiliani on the wall. Music. Movies. Random conversations. Study material. Toilet paper...

:P

Standard answer for this? :)

:)


Just because I feel like it...

Tannie, I know you're up there laughing your a** off while feeling very happy for your badmash :)

Someone just got lucky.. Isn't the world such a happy place? :)

Two things to say:

1. One relationship in my life is puzzling me terribly. Funnily.
2. Prometo is keeping me away from Zombie-land.

Lost? Na.....

I have a feeling that this might turn out really lengthy. But one of the reasons I have a blog is because it doesn't limit my thoughts. You probably need my mind to understand what I mean. I like empty spaces. I like spaces without any boundaries or walls. I like the fact that I can think for myself and not be tied down by the "what will other people say/think" syndrome. Ever noticed how ours is a shame based society and not a guilt based one? No, I don't advocate or prefer one over the other. It is just an observation. But sometimes I do wonder what kind of morals and values our entire social structure is built upon. Why just us? I often include the whole world. That's the beauty of thought. It has space to accommodate everybody. Assimilate and accommodate. Very Piagetian, I say. But isn't life a learning process, about discovering things for yourself? I think so. Everyday I learn something new, voluntarily and involuntarily. I genuinely believe that there are no mistakes in life. Only lessons. Perhaps that would explain why I don't regret anything that I have done (or not done). The good experiences I cherish and relive all the time; the bad ones I take in my stride and vow not to replicate in anyone else's life (atleast not intentionally). Idealistic? Honestly, I give a damn about what you think.

As a child, I was always told that I would do well in life. My parents didn't glorify me or think I was a good for nothing piece of human beingness. Instead, I was given an appropriate sketch of my abilities and was never discouraged from exploring my surroundings. I did well at school. My teachers never had a reason to complain. I thought I had pretty much figured out how I would like to shape my life. Three years in college, many, many people met - some I don't remember, some I would like to forget and a few I want to know forever; and my picture got prettier by the day. I went a little off track when I worked for a few months (added more experiences to my list) and then got back to my plan. (Plan. Can we actually "plan" every single day of our lives? Or is it safer to hope for the best and prepare for the worst? Do we make arrangements to include "unforseen" circumstances and liabilities? hmmm...)Anyway, moving on.. So I applied for the courses I wanted to take up and got through one of my dream schools. But what lies behind is that I had to give up some things to get here. Economics and opportunity cost? I understand it like never before. But now, I question things again. As vain as it may sound but when I take up something seriously I ensure that I do a fabulous job of it. It's strikes me as odd that I can't remember the last thing I gave my 100% to.. Passionless living personified! But slowly, things are gaining more clarity and taking a concrete shape...

I love my course. I love the people I get to interact with and the kind of stuff I'm learning is mindblowing. But if I get down to questioning why I am studying what I'm studying, it leaves me with an uncomfortable feeling. As a student, there have been several times when I haven't agreed with methodology, curriculum or certain opinions that I have come across. But there was very little that I could do at that time. I have my ideas on what schooling should be like. They're not right, not wrong but just my views on specific areas of the education system. Underlying all of this is the constant need to stand up for something and that's where my head gets thrown into a tizzy. Education in this country is something I feel very strongly about and I take complete pride in the fact that instead of sitting on my A** and whining about the shortcomings of the system, I'm taking a step towards helping out. There is a lot more that I could do but atleast it's a start. My ambitious side pushes me to envision a bold future... funny thing being that I don't see myself alive when all those "changes and reforms" reach our people.... but heart of hearts I know that if I can influence one person's life in a positive manner, it's a win! Little drops of water make the mighty ocean... This time my stay on campus is changing my thought process. It is so evident that sometimes it arrests me. Are we always conscious of the way we think or are we so deeply conditioned to think in a particular way that we are blind to the circumstances around us? It's rather interesting to alienate yourself from your own life and view it as a third person. A little freaky too. I even notice a number of mental blocks falling apart and mindsets vanishing... which in my understanding is a good thing. And this is no longer an attempt to attain "pseudo intelligence" or getting a degree that is highly valued in the market. It is about the experience; to extract all that I can and make use of that knowledge! I'm at a fascinating (or call it peculiar) stage where I'm caught between the worries and joys of any 22 year old and a mind that wants to break more barriers and delve in what lies below the surface and rise above the obvious.

My canvas is getting filled up. I hope I never run out of paint...

Right now, I feel like :

To the whole world!

On My Playlist...

Just the first track on repeat mode please...

Gonna Be A Bear

A friend of mine sent this. I loved it!

In this life I am a woman. In my next life, I'd like to come back as a bear. When you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months. I could deal with that.

Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid. I could deal with that too.

When you're a girl bear, you birth your children (who are the size of walnuts) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown cute, cuddly cubs. I could definitely deal with that.

If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too. I could deal with that.

If you're a bear, your mate expects you to wake up growling. He expects that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat.

Yep, gonna be a bear!

To Onjus

Yes, I remember you. We don't talk everyday but knowing that you're just a phone call away means something to me. The stories we exchange about "Hitler", the sister-in-law, the families, the good times - There are very few people who can talk as much as I do and with you, it is effortless. Like you said on our ride back home, I am glad that we share such a strong bond considering all that we've been through. You seem to be a part of most of memories of school and looking back, am I thankful or what? Visit all your ports, build up that bank balance and we'll be friends for life :P

Countdown!!

Ah ha! The most exciting time of the year has begun... however, I want to spend the day of the grand finale by myself. Soul searching perhaps? I don't know. Right now, we shall continue to clap with glee! :)

Wondering...

A conversation that I had with one of my closest friends set me thinking. Are the people around me just inexpressive or do I not create for them what they create for me? Like someone once told me - Letting some people access your life doesn't mean you have complete access to theirs. Hmmm....*Pshsh*

Welcome back....

And it's back to square one. We maybe jinxed but it comes out of knowing exactly what we want. Or don't want :P *hug* to my girls! :)

Needed - TLC! :(

It's strange that a post like this should follow... but I can't help it. I feel squish squashed. Very blue. My ankle hurts. the 25th seems ages away.. so does the 29th. I can't drive. It's Piggy's birthday and I can't go see her. One brat's having mood swings. I can't ask for something because it makes people feel weird. I haven't found the time to get a haircut. I'm missing Pits. I'm too chicken to see a dentist. There is such nonsense being shown on TV. I promised to read atleast one book every week and that's going nowhere. I haven't touched any of those instruments in a while. And the weather's annoying me. No, I'm haven't flipped my lid. I agree that my city's weather is beautiful. It's light, breezy, filled with glee... just perfect to fall in love. Ha! We shall not even go there. Yes DB, system needs.. Love, alcohol and good cakes. Let's get the first two. The third will come along *sigh* Sometimes things are just not fair!!

A-ha!

Clouds and moons, stars shining bright,
Early mornings and deep, dark nights
Empty roads and endless walks
Those few moments when silence talks

Dogs and bubbles and comic books
Secret smiles and stolen looks
Peanuts in the rain, a drink in a bar
Add to my list, my six stringed sitar

Watching the rain, hot chocolate to sip
Paper, more paper and quilling strips
Friends and food and fun unlimited
Incessant giggles, my red timepiece and Ts - printed

Bangles and anklets, sneakers and socks
Silver bracelets and my Belgian rock
Hoops and studs and pearl drops
Strawberry lotion from The Body Shop

Perfume and flowers and country fairs
All things good for my happy hair
And for the girl I am, I'd like to say
I absolutely love lingerie

There are some things left, or rather a lot more
But yeah, all of this I adore

This Is Going To Hurt Just A Little Bit

One thing I like less than most things is sitting in a dentist chair with my mouth wide open.

And that I will never have to do it again is a hope that I am against hope hopen.

Because some tortures are physical and some are mental,

But the one that is both is dental.

It is hard to be self possessed

With your jaw digging into your chest,

so hard to retain calm

When your fingernails are making serious alterations in your life line or love line or some other important line in your palm,

So hard to give your ususal cheerful effect of benignity

When you know your position is one of the two or three in life most lacking in dignity

And your mouth is like a section of road that is being worked on

And it is cluttered up with stone crushers and concrete mixers and drills and steam rollers and there isn't a nerve on your head that aren't being irked on.

Oh some people are unfortunate to be strung on by thumbs,

And others have things done to their gums,

And your teeth are supposed to being polished

But you have reason to believe they are being demolished.

And the circumstances that adds to your terror

Is that it's all done with a mirror,

Because the dentist may be a bear, or as the Romans used to say, only they were referring to a feminine bear when they said it, an ursa,

But all the same how can you be sure when he takes his crowbar in one hand and mirror in the other he won't get mixed up, the way you do when try to tie a bow tie with the aid of a mirror, and forget that left is right and vice versa

And then at last he says, That will be all, but it isn't because he then coats your mouth from cellar to roof

With something I suspect is generally used to put shine a horse's hoof,

And you totter to your feet and think, Well it's over now and after all it was only this once,

And he says come back in three monce.

And this O Fate, is I think the most vicious circle that thou ever sentest,

That Man has to go continually to the dentist to keep his teeth in good condition

When the chief reason he wants his teeth to be in good condition is so that he won't have to go the dentist.


Ogden Nash

My sentiments exact!

:P

And that one phone call snapped me out of my crabby mood. All the clouds of confusion vanish into thin air. Nothing is a big deal till you make it that way. Single, unavailable, non-linear, crazy and most importantly, content... Very!!! *chuckles again*

For something I accidentally ended up reading - I love your salt and pepper hair. Sometimes I secretly wish I had inherited those perfect teeth and that gorgeous mane! *chuckles*

Breathe.

Once bitten. Twice shy. Thrice indifferent. The "nth" time you just want to wrap it all up, throw it out of the window, use the most delightful abuses and decide you will NEVER EVER put yourself in that spot again! The world can take a hike. This moment is for you to take in the sun and all the good things that come with it. It is for you to be clear. To be alive.

Mirror

I am silver and exact. I have no preconceptions.
Whatever I see, I swallow immediately.
Just as it is, unmisted by love or dislike
I am not cruel, only truthful –
The eye of a little god, four-cornered.
Most of the time I meditate on the opposite wall.
It is pink, with speckles. I have looked at it so long
I think it is a part of my heart. But it flickers.
Faces and darkness separate us over and over.

Now I am a lake. A woman bends over me.
Searching my reaches for what she really is.
Then she turns to those liars, the candles or the moon.
I see her back, and reflect it faithfully
She rewards me with tears and an agitation of hands.
I am important to her. She comes and goes.
Each morning it is her face that replaces the darkness.
In me she has drowned a young girl, and in me an old woman
Rises toward her day after day, like a terrible fish.

- Sylvia Plath

Morbid yet beautiful.

??

And so I cry sometimes
When I'm lying in bed
Just to get it all out
What's in my head
And I am feeling a little peculiar
And so I wake in the morning
And I step outside
And I take a deep breath and I get real high
And I scream at the top of my lungs
What's going on?

Happiness!

Well, I guess the title says it all. But it has nothing to do with me or my states of euphoria. This is about some of the people I adore. While all of them are amazing in their own ways, somewhere there is a very basic sense of simplicity that I love them for. Maybe their answers vary now but I'm going by the replies I received on 30/Jun/2008. It's not always the 3 "M"s that get those fabulous smiles out. There are little things that matter.

So what makes Them happy?

Piggy: Poly - I guessed this one :)

Reddy Teddy: Manchester United winning. Tendulkar scoring. But more on a non sports level, a smile across a person who matters to me because of me. - All the big men are really nice :)

Nishu: Happy-Myself. Knowing the fact that being in a state of happiness comes from within and it cannot be found anywhere. It's really easy to be low and down in this world. but it takes great courage to remain happy even when s*** happens around you.It's a great challenge. :) - I love this! It's such simple philosophy and drips with Nishu-ness

Teddy: When the girl I am in love with says you are the best guy I can ever get - Trust me, my bear - She'll say it in Gujrati :)

Tannie: Silly li'l Kara - Tannie, your baby's in safe hands :)

Sushi: Seeing people around me be happy - Simplicity again

Pram pal: When out of the blue a dear friend or a loved one remembers you by either calling you or writes to you. Ah! - This one's on my list too.

Pits: Compliments from strangers in big cars ;) - Don't kill me for putting it up here. It's just very cute! :)

Suki: Dogs and travelling - One of those things that make us connect the way we do.

DB: Having pani puri in the rain, being with the ones you love when you want to, having the love of your life standing beside you and beautiful weather. To learn that there's someone who care about you and loves you at the end of the day. To have my favourite corner house ice cream in the middle of the night. To catch up with old friends and get to sing all the beautiful numbers. To dance to the tune of your own music in the rain. To listen to The Beatles and Eric Clapton. - DB, you make everyone happy! :)

Radio Partner: Mum is #1. Dogs. The beach. Walk in the rain. You when you sing and play your guitar. The smell of wet mud. My good friends. A good book. Babies. - Sherry girl, what would I do without you? :)

Sailor Boy: When mother nature blossoms. Also, the generosity of the poor. - I know every new place you see makes you smile from ear to ear too :)

Onjus: Thinking of the people I have around me and my school days - *sigh* I think our entire batch has very happy memories of school.

Chachu: Home cooked food. - Happiness captured in three words!

AD: Driving. - I know :)

Tara: Some spur of the moment things we do with our friends that you know you'll remember for the rest of your life - uh, dance videos, anyone? :)

Lamster: You make me smile, Niru - Thank you, Lamster. It's mutual :)

Dhols: Happy babies, little puppies - :)

Shreyas: I think a smile is what makes me smile from ear to ear. It's similar to this - someone telling me that you made my day makes my day! - I really miss our chats and lunches! There have been countless times when you've made my day!

Dinku: Zidane and Real Madrid playing breathtaking football. Toddlers in slightly oversized shorts. Everything turning green after the first drops of rain. And the smell of the earth. - This is so typically you! I've had some of my happiest times with you! :)

Tuts: If i would have a month to spend in Kolkatta with all my friends there, it would make me smile - Mister, when are you gonna show me around the city of joy?

Coach: When my whole family, all my friends, the ones I love and care for, everyone I know/don't know is happy and thankful to God, I'll be beyond happy - I guessed this one too!

Writing this post has made me very happy! :)

For the first time in these 21 years, being "weird" makes me cringe. Whether I like to believe it or not, maybe it's THE main reason why the unmentionables and unpleasant things have occurred... and continue to happen. Ah Well, Everyone needs his/her dose of entertainment. So there isn't really anything to feel low about. Ho-hum!

ISD-er!

I think it's a new advertisement on TV that has triggered off this post. A little girl loses a milk tooth and between her sobs and sniffles, she conveys the message to her elder brother. The brother consoles her and gets her smiling again. Those few seconds accurately capture the kind of bond I share with my sibling.

My brother is 4.5 years older than I am. My mum says that when I was born, he was probably the happiest of them all. No, not because he finally had someone to torture and kick around. I guess it was more about having a complete family. I've heard some scary stories about sibling rivalry and pangs of jealousy the first child goes through when the parents dote on the little one. I don't think we ever had a tale like that. He was thrilled that there was a baby in the house. While I was the mischievous, short tempered brat and everything I asked for was given to me, my brother was perhaps a lot easier to bring up. He hardly had any demands, never lost his cool, laughed things off and was incapable of being mean to anybody. Family functions, parties, gatherings and everyone only talked about what a nice boy he was. I could never understand why! According to my logic, since I was the more talented child, better at school, more expressive, it only made sense that I should have been the all time favourite and not him. Nah, never happened! Looking back, I know that in those moments of frustration, I said some really horrid stuff to him and could never bring myself to be nice to him. What infuriated me the most was that even after all the times I would yell at him, throw things at him, squeal on him, IT JUST NEVER GOT TO HIM! He continued to be as caring as ever and laughed at my silly attempts to hurt him. The funny part is that though I subjected him to my wicked side and spoke to him very rudely, I was always ready to bash up anyone who said a word against him. If my parents screamed at him, I would defend him, fight with them and stand up for him. There were times when our fights would get out of hand. Instead of portraying aggression or violence, he would just stop talking to me. Aargh! I still remember how miserable I felt! I would follow him around the house hoping that one li'l word would escape or I'd just sulk in my room till he came up and said something. Oh and if I was upset about anything and couldn't stop crying, he was the first person I would run to for some "cheering up".

As we grew up, things changed drastically. We started hanging out with each other a lot more and realised that we could have fun together. The punching and hitting (Violent me!) turned into verbal arguments which almost always ended in a "what are we fighting about?" or peals of laughter. We began understanding each other. As individuals, my brother and I are extremely different and at times we can't see eye to eye. But what is important is that along the way, we learned to respect each others views and opinions. And now, I can't make a single decision without listening to what he has to say. Yeah, there are days when I wish he was not so messy, inexpressive or tried doing things on an impulse. But even with all his flaws and habits that drive me up the wall, I wouldn't exchange him for anything in the world!

It is impossible for me to list all the things I have to thank you for so I am not even going to try. Quite honestly, you're one of the biggest reasons why I am spoiled to the core.... buying me gifts at the drop of a hat, taking me for countless movies, lunches, drinking sessions and dinners, playing all my inane games, letting me be the co owner of our comic collection (without asking me to shell out a penny), trying to pacify the folks everytime I've had a tiff with them... you pampered me all the while. But it is from you that I have learned to be kind to people, treat them with respect and use my freedom responsibly. I dunno why I was so rotten to the person who named me. Maybe because growing up with someone like you wasn't the simplest task for me. I always had to try harder to beat you at everything you did (often forgetting that there wasn't a competition on). Finally, after all these years, I figured out why you had things easy.... You have always been a far nicer person than I am.. or will ever be. Now get back from that foreign land ASAP. Our signature song has been unsung for a while now.

P.S. - If you ever find this post, I never wrote it. Honest :P

It is perhaps illegal to make someone this happy.. Happiness that borders on insanity! :)

*Sigh*

A picture speaks a thousand words!

Almost Perfect!

I love the space I am in
I love my time right now
I love the way I can chatter away
And sing without a care in the world

My walks make me happy
Playing with my brats does too
There's a spring in my step
I love the lazy, breezy feeling

It's funny how some things matter less
They perhaps don't even qualify
To make me feel like a million bucks
Or just to bring out my smile.

I sense good things coming
I see the sun rising in all its glory
Life's sweet
And in all ways, I feel complete.

To my li'l Piggy

You may never read this or even know that it's written. Ro, I'm thankful that you're a part of my mad world and add tons of value to my life. It's only with a handful of people that I can have crazy conversations and suddenly switch to stuff that really matters (what we would have called "stands" and "courts" :P). Like you said, we may not talk everyday or be in touch but perhaps it is the space we give each other in this friendship that makes us understand each other. People change... circumstances change... we change... but the transition from Dumb Charades playing college girls to individuals who can envision a future was a lot easier because of you. I still can't understand how some people could have given you up. I know I would never. You're my superstar! :)

Like the clouds, the sea, the dry leaf....



....I want to drift away....

Sometimes its hard to be a woman
Giving all your love to just one man
You'll have bad times
And he'll have good times
Doing things that you don't understand
But if you love him you'll forgive him
Even though he's hard to understand
And if you love him
Oh be proud of him
'Cause after all he's just a man
Stand by your man
Give him two arms to cling to
And something warm to come to
When nights are cold and lonely
Stand by your man
And tell the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your man
Stand by your man
And show the world you love him
Keep giving all the love you can
Stand by your man

Every item on The List may never be crossed out. There may never be the flowers, walk and song nor the giant wheel and popcorn. Or the silent moments where only the company matters. There might not even be a letter, a peck or an engaging conversation. And the compliments, smart ass comments, dinky smiles and mischief. But quite honestly, I don't care anymore.

Every experience, every bond I forge, all my fears are reaffirmed. Now, it only seems like familiar territory. Almost like I can predict things.

Does it have something to do with me? For Sure!! "Yay" if things happen, "Tsk, Tsk" if they don't and move along. I dunno how many times I've wished that some things had just never happened! Maybe I'm being selfish, but it would have saved ME a lot of trouble and drama. I'm done with pinning my hopes on anything.

After all, a cynic is a passionate person who doesn't want to be disappointed again.

Rambling on........

I miss Teddy!! I miss having a guy friend in the city who'll let me ride his bike and won't judge me all the time!

I can't wait for The Folks to be back and it isn't only about the gifts. I need to talk.

I'm tired of the flab. Why can't it all vanish as fast fast as it appeared?

I want to get to hostel as soon as possible. Prometo and I have a whole city to explore, I've to get bashed up and I want all that music with madness.

Piggy, how long do you think we'll have to wait for things to change? For the world to grow up? I'm glad that at least I have company!

Will I ever learn to keep my mouth zipped? I seem to talk for everyone.

I have to start making those gifts. I've turned into such a lazy bum, I'm getting sick of myself!

I seem to have a bad hair day EVERYDAY! What happened to my happy, hippy hair?

Have my tear glands dried up?

I want to throw the diet to one side and indulge in dark chocolate... and I think I'm going to do so tomorrow. (And this contradicts statement 3.. WHATEVER!!)

Lots of books to read. No buying till these are finished!

I want strawberry body lotion. I want, I want, I want!!

For no fault of mine, no instigation from my side, the past just pops right up! Eh! Most of the times I burst out laughing. Today, I re-realised that I would never do it to anyone else :)

Life goes on.........

The List!

My Funny Valentine - Frank Sinatra
Something - The Beatles (There are just a lot of them so I'll stick to one)
The Way You Look Tonight - Tony Bennett
Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers
Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman - Bryan Adams
Don't Wanna Miss A Thing - Aerosmith
Can't Help Falling in Love With You - Elvis Presley
Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton
Fields of Gold - Sting
This Never Happened Before - Paul McCartney
Speak Softly Love, Love Story, Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You - Andy Williams
Besame Mucho - Andrea Bocelli
Love Will Keep Us Alive - The Eagles
Yellow - Coldplay
I'd Love You To Want Me - Lobo
Annie's Song - John Denver
Dream A Little Dream Of Me - The Mamas and The Papas
Top Of The World - The Carpenters

And of course

Pretty Woman - Roy Orbison

Till then I shall strum my guitar and sing them for my favourite person - Me!:)

SMS Time

"Ms. Herbasoraus ******* rhymeth!:)
Bhery nice, shweet chikakababs!
Thou art the greatest rhymer,
Since god maketh the pied piper!:P"


Toot Toot!!

Ha! Just when I thought that I will learn the art of masking my feelings, everything goes right out of the window! But you know what? It doesn't matter!! When I speak my heart out, it makes me feel a lot lighter and less complicated. And anyway I've been told that I shouldn't try and talk like someone. It doesn't suit me. I should remain the chatterbox that I am.. and say what I need to say :P

Random!

And I hope it was the last one that rolled down early this morning. Sometimes, it's just not worth it. And big deal if things don't always turn out to be the way you would like them to. There's just so much more to live for!

We are back to being happy people.. a tad inexpressive maybe but happy. Let them all be remembered in the hearts. *Smiles*

M for The Favourite-st

When I was 12 and wanted a pajama party every weekend, She said "Familiarity breeds contempt."
I threw a fit and refused to talk to her for days.

When I refused to eat what she made and craved for junk food, She said "When you move out, this is what you'll miss the most."
I shared my food with Lyks.

When I told her about my object of affection, She said "Don't go overboard."
I smirked and thought to myself, "You obviously haven't felt like this ever."

When my best friend walked out of my life, She said "There are some characteristics every individual inherits from his/her family. It isn't good nor is it bad. Accept it and move on."
I was too teary eyed to pay attention to what she really meant.

When I told her about my first job, She said "I would have been more excited if it was an admission letter to one of your dream schools. I just hope you know what you're doing."
I vowed to never share any of my happy times with her.

***************************************************************************************

My pajama party friends and I are not in touch anymore. We saw the threads loosening in school itself.

The time that I stayed by myself, all that I wanted was a home cooked meal.

The object of affection and I split ways pretty soon and I knew that there were some things I would never ever repeat.

I can barely manage any relationship that exists in my life and it's accepted.

I quit my job to get back to studying... at one of my dream schools... and I have never been this satisfied with life.


It amazes me how She knew everything. Experience perhaps?

But when I was unsure about my future and didn't know which path to take, She said "In a country that wants more engineers and doctors and that's all that surrounds you, find the courage to follow your heart. I will stand by you."
I listened...and I don't regret it one bit!

When I told her about all my goals and dreams, She said nothing and patiently heard heard me out.
I felt like someone finally understood me; that I am capable of achieving a lot.

She is truly the wind beneath my wings.

Unforgettable, thats what you are
Unforgettable though near or far...


You're gonna live forever... in memories, in our hearts.

One of those things...

Life. What is it really about? Debates and arguments throw various opinions out in the open. Books and poetry offer several interpretations. "Great" minds and laymen have their own definitions. Is it about dreams? Goals? Aspirations? Money? Wealth? Love? Hope? Nothing at all? I don't know. I'm just a 21 year old trying to figure out stuff for myself, moving in and out of confusion and fears hoping that I don't mess up this one chance that I have. Yeah, I have dreams.. real big ones! At one point of time, I would have readily given up everything to reach for the stars. But today, where I stand, I know how different my thoughts are! I think I've found what I was looking for.

Life... lies in those spontaneous moments when you don't do anything spectular but just know that you are gonna remember every detail forever. It's about singing loudly in autos with your favourite people even if it means getting thrown out; dancing on the roads, restaurants, buses without giving a damn about what others think of you; about laughing your head off over the silliest things and getting others to join you. It's about eating ice cream when every inch of you is frozen and having a hot water bath on a sunny day, skipping an exam to watch a movie, eating rum tarts even when your stomach's gonna burst, grabbing a cup of coffee and a light hearted conversation in corridors, fooling around with paint and believing that you just created a masterpiece and gazing at clouds and stars. Life's joys lie in long drives with your favourite song playing, watching the rain and spending time by yourself. It also lies in coming home to a tray of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies, warm hugs, bonding with your family, black and white photographs and old books that have dog ears and yellow pages that still smell of dust. Life can be captured in a glass of hot milk and a cozy blanket as well as in an evening spent with friends. It finds its way into moments when you climb water tanks in a drunken state, make a mess while eating melted chocolate, explore a new city or just get completely lost in the one you live in, whistle in a theatre, watch your favourite artist "live in concert", find a pair of jeans that finally fit, feed a hungry puppy, get muddy paw prints on your white T Shirt for free or have a pillow fight with your sibling and then go back and apologise. A flip-floppy stomach, weak knees, compliments, Cupid's arrow, tears, heartbreaks? Yes, life has space for all of that too. It's about midnight conversations, parties, disclosing secrets, having someone comfort you when you are low, long chats in playgrounds, on benches, on stairs; gossiping in hostel rooms, whining and strumming your guitar even after your fingers have turned numb. It lies in receiving a letter, giving somebody a hand made gift, opening a present, buying balloons for the little kids who run around on the streets, saying hello to a total stranger and being a part of someone else's sorrows and joys.It features in fights, failure, empty promises, shattered dreams, screwed up friendships and experiences that build character. And It's about learning to love, let go and forgive a little every single day.

"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans"
- John Lennon

Tired of ISD!

The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, coveting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to heal it in the same instant, loving, laughing, defending, and trying to figure out the common thread that bound us all together.

- Erma Bombeck

One of my favourite authors said it all. Mom, Dad, the Big Brother: Come back people! The brats and I are missing you like crazy! We need some TLC :(

"If your dog is fat, it means you aren't getting enough exercise"

-Unknown

How true. *Sigh*

The brats and I are getting back into shape starting tomorrow...

Fancy!

Last evening this young bloke told me that my English is very "Britishy". I'm still trying to figure out how and why:)

Dedication Time!

This one's for two people I'm very fond of. One I've known for close to a decade now and the other (though it's been about a year), I feel like I've known her for ages. Both of them, to put it simply, get me! No amount of madness would ever flummox them.

My partner in crime & my radio partner, here's what I would like to say :)

Familiarity breeds contempt

For sure!!!!

Hee Haw!!

One second.




* WHINE *




Ha! That felt good!!! Okay, now we go back to being happy, fun loving, positive people who have what it takes to be 1 of 25 who were chosen to study at one of the finest institutions in the country. We are not afraid of term papers and are going to submit them before the deadline. We have dreams and the courage to follow our hearts. We're full of beans. Silly things are not going to spoil the mood and we shall pamper ourselves at the end of this part of the magnificent journey! yeah, Bring it on!!!

Boca Grande

Heh.. If you are Bong, you're bound to laugh your head off at the name of this joint. That's what happened to Tuts when I told him we could grab a bite there. He seemed keen to try it out so we went ahead and experimented. I won't say we were disappointed but the food's nothing great. But we still ended up sitting there way past his lunch break. We last met on his birthday. Needless to say, we had a LOT of catching up to do. Now one thing I love Tuts for is his ability to chatter away... and lend a patient ear when I need to talk. So we chatted, laughed, laid bets on Socrates and Leo, exchanged stories and whined about the alien, purple salad. We stuffed ourselves and walked up the road for ice cream and continued blabbering. Finally, we said our goodbyes (he might as well have applied for half a day's leave) and went in opposite directions.

Today will go down as one of my most memorable days. There is tremendous joy in meeting old friends. My head was rather clouded last night and I don't know what opened up in the conversation I had with Tuts but I left feeling a lot lighter. He made everything seem very simple. Tuts, I'm glad we went on that crazy trip together. The dancing, the dumb charades session, the singing, the comments... all of it was worth it. Like I said, I am amazed at how we can pick it up from right where we left it. Muah!

P.S. Though I didn't really need it after such a fabulous time, I indulged in some retail therapy. Ah! :)

Both Sides Now

Bows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere
I've looked at clouds that way

But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now

From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all

Moons and Junes and Ferris wheels
The dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way

But now it's just another show
You leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away

I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions I recall
I really don't know love at all

Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way

But now old friends are acting strange
They shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day

I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

I've looked at life from both sides now
From up and down, and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all

This song captures exactly what I feel right now. Confusion prevails....

6 Kgs and 2 inches less

Let me share my moment of joy!! All the cycling, walking around and running away from junk food has helped. People, I have officially lost all the Hyd weight! It feels good that I now fit into my favourite pair of jeans! I'd like to thank Mommy for all that ghar ka khana and whacking me everytime I reached out for chips and cookies and Leo for being awesome company during my walks and cycling rounds. Woo hoo!!! :)

Is it good to be expressive? Even if it means going overboard with the way you feel? There are some people who find it silly to hide emotions. I'm one of those weirdo-es. No matter how I feel, I make it known to everyone around me. No, not because I want the attention and want to be mollycoddled. But I find it impossible to suppress my sentiments. The few times that I've tried for various reasons, I've ended up feeling MISERABLE! But what happens in the case of unequal love? Is it good or bad to tell them what they mean or don't mean to you? Is it right or wrong to be expressive and open about everything? Is it fair to expect anything in return?

Expectation. There are days when I wish I could learn to live without it. But I know I can't. And for me, that is what being human is all about.

Madness!

It thrills me to no end that she's just a 10 p SMS, a local call, a bus ride away. Mum can now have shopping free days. Chubby, I promise I'll fulfill the condition to put my wallet in your bag. And though you've refused to come with me when I go to get my tattoo (which will happen I don't know when), You're the best!! :)

If wishes were horses...

My funny valentine
Sweet comic valentine
You make me smile with my heart
Your looks are laughable
Unphotographable
Yet you're my favourite work of art

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

But don't change a hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is Valentines' day

Is your figure less than Greek?
Is your mouth a little weak?
When you open it to speak
Are you smart?

But don't you change one hair for me
Not if you care for me
Stay little valentine stay
Each day is Valentines' day

*Mmmm*

Yes DB, someday there will be people who will sing the entire list to us. Till then you and I will laugh about every "tragedy" that takes place in our lives.

748 Lines

A bright yellow envelope that stares at me when I look at my phone. A red blob that suddenly vanishes but the conversation goes on. A secret that doesn't seem obscure anymore. A smile that freezes. A song that finds its way to the soul. A poem that stays unwritten because the feeling is indescribable. A city that seems far away. A friendship that is untouched by impurity. A connection that gladdens the heart.

:(

Term paper fever is the worst thing to hit me this month. I'm very jittery about writing anything at all. No longer can I console myself by saying -It's your first time. Don't be hard on yourself. But I know I work well under pressure. I only wish I could master the art of time management. Don't we all? Feeling blue. *Sigh*

Dropping a line for my coach. Like instant coffee, you're an instant cheer upper! :)

Closure

May the ribbons fray, may all the paper burn and may the glue dry up. May photographs be shredded, may memories be wiped away. May heartbreaks, lost friends and broken promises stay where they belong - in the past. May I never feel the need to "understand" from this moment on. May it be as easy to say goodbye as it is to say hello. May I never have to say hello again. May I find a solution to my ennui without looking for it. May I stop thinking with my heart and start thinking with my head. Let technology crumble and may I never have to communicate again. Let me discover love but it may it be only for my dreams. May all those conversations remain unfinished. May I find peace in detachment. May I forget what emotions are all about. May there be no more tears and fears. May the clouds take me along with them. May life always maintain its fine balance.

Today's lunch turned out to be quite strange. I had some work to attend to and was meeting Rith to catch up on all the news over a meal. I took a table and was just settling down when the waiter (whom we shall call "H") came with the menu card. I told him that I was waiting for someone to join me and we would place our order soon. He smiled and said "Okay, Ma'am. Once your friend comes, please call out my name and I'll come and take your order." I agreed and followed the instructions once Rith came. We stuck to our favourites and H seemed unusually happy to serve us. Mid-way through the meal he came and asked us if we were enjoying ourselves and ten minutes later, he brought us fresh water and extra napkins (and went overboard with his smiles). Rith and I thought it was really odd because all the times that we've eaten in that restaurant (and its other branches), no one's tried so hard to impress us. More importantly, we didn't know why! Anyway, we finished our meal, continued chatting and finally when the bill came, Rith and I lost it. We couldn't stop giggling. Not shy, girlie giggles but more like WTF-is-wrong-with-him giggles. We paid the bill and walked out. Rith, your charm continues to work like magic and may it always be so :)



As for H, we weren't very generous with our tip.

At another branch, the waiter wanted to know if I was Assamese because he was from Assam and my name apparently sounds very Assamese. I wasn't charged for his lopsided smile. Wotevah!

Passionate Yellow Earring

Sometimes the most spur-of-the-moment things live on forever. I don't think I'll ever turn into someone who doesn't fit the title. I hope not :)

Namma Bengaluru

I flicked the idea from here but of course it's all about my city.

- Cubbon Park, Cubbon Park, Cubbon Park. Thank god for the People's movement that happened in the 80's that stopped further construction within the park premises. Apart from the lush green trees, the park has some beautiful buildings including the Sheshadri Memorial Library, The high court and the Vidhan Soudha. When you visit my city, take a drive through Cubbon Park. Hopefully, you'll understand why it tops my list.

- MG Road. I hate the fact that the road no longer has a boulevard on one side but nonetheless it's still my favourite place to walk. Or just sit at a coffee shop by myself and watch the world go by.Parallel to MG Road is Church Street and that is one place that will never cease to amuse me. There are a few pubs and countless eating joints. Food lovers can pick from Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Continental, roadside thellawallahs.... And for the book lovers, Blossoms is the place to go. I'm not exaggerating when I say that the bookstore is stacked with books from floor to ceiling. There's also an interesting magazine store. For me, MG Road and Church Street bring back old world charm.

- The weather. Although it's extremely unhealthy for some people, Bangalore's weather is wonderful. It's always just right and definitely helps me get by bad days. Quite aptly called Pensioner's Paradise.

- The Breakfast and Dessert places. Yes, I meet people for breakfast because there are places that serve a delightful meal at 7 in the morning. Some even have breakfast buffets. Throw in a light conversation and great company and my day's made. oh and at Koshy's, the menu card still mentions Goldspot. How about that? Coming to the dessert bit, I don't mind the extra kilos I put on after indulging in those mouth watering cakes and bakes served at Fresco's and Painted Platter. Sinful!

- School. How can this not make it to the list? I believe that school was like a second home to me. In fact I would've loved to do 13th, 14th and 15th standard instead of college. What amuses me is that right in between two of the city's busiest roads, you'll find a green campus with old British barracks that have seen batches after batches pass out. Well, the batch of 2003-2004 can never get enough of school.

- Commercial Street. Paradise for the avid shopper! The road and its gullies offer enough and more for retail therapy. Right from the big brands to the roadside maal, shoes, bags, belts, dress material, stationery, decorations, food, jewellery, sports equipment.. you name it and it's available. It's the best venue for a girl's day out :)

- William Penn & Itsy Bitsy. The mad child loves stationery. Period.

- National Games Village. Ha! Founding the Loafers club, Aunty's shop, the bakery, the park, the benches, forging friendships, Hindi movie drama, bus rides, the rooftop, summer parties, tears, fears, heartbreaks... Those buildings have seen the good, the bad and the ugly. It was the perfect place to spend my wonder years.

- 335 E. I love bus rides. And seeing that huge, red vehicle turning round the corner makes me very happy. I get to spend a lot of time by myself in the bus and I'm very thankful for it. Besides, it's the best way to avoid the traffic and all that honking. The government should introduce more Volvos on the routes.

- The concerts. Thanks to the crowd, Palace grounds has hosted Mark Knopfler, The Scorpions, Iron Maiden, Bryan Adams, Sting, Uriah Heep, Elton John, Roger Waters, Aerosmith, A R Rahman, Lucky Ali, KK etc. My city and I have something in common. We love music.

We, the people. Bangalore is a friendly city. The policemen are approachable and the people are helpful. The trick - Be polite and it'll get you anywhere you wish

Ten years ago, when we moved here, I HATED the place. It was a sleepy city where nobody seemed to want to make things happen. Compared to Delhi, this place was the pits. But it grew on me. Yeah, there is a lot of room for improvement. But even after having seen a lot of places within the country, I would like to settle down here. After all, there's no place like home!

A winter's day
In a deep and dark December;
I am alone,
Gazing from my window to the streets below
On a freshly fallen silent shroud of snow.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Don't talk of love,
But I've heard the words before;
It's sleeping in my memory.
I wont disturb the slumber of feelings that have died.
If I never loved I never would have cried.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armour,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

And a rock feels no pain;
And an island never cries.

I mask my detachment with a veneer of indifference.

Birthday Time!

Oh and yesterday the li'l one finally turned 21! Isn't it strange that the youngest of us all is the most sensible, practical and balanced member of the Jinxed Club? But she scores a duck when it comes to common sense. I can almost hear her say "very funny". Chims, thank you for just being there for me through all those highs and lows. Love you to bits!

P.S. She's actually not jinxed. But she makes it a point to let us know when she wants to be :P

*Yawn*

There are so many thoughts on mind that I don't know where to begin. They range from happy, intellectual and funny to absurd, philosophical and sentimental. I have two term papers to submit by the end of this month and they seem like a mammoth task. It's not that I can't do it. I want them to be exceptionally good papers. A lot about it is to prove things to myself.. like the whole "manage house + life" phase. I want to feel like a responsible, YOUNG (21,22,23...57 years fall in the young category) adult. For starters, I've been driving a bit in the last couple of days and it's awesome! I've never thought of myself as a nervous wreck and I passed this test with flying colours. Trust me, driving near my place trains you to drive in any part of the world. Oh, and I applied for a job. Keeping my fingers crossed...(and hanging on to my horse shoe)

Coming to the funny bit, I seem to burst into incessant giggles anywhere I go. It happens so often that it's beginning to scare me. Like today while zooming through all the traffic, I suddenly thought of Prometo and the hostel incident and couldn't stop laughing. As it is I must have been quite a sight with my bright bike and silly looking helmet. Add my loud "Ha ha"s to that and I'm sure that I scared quite a few people away. Even right now I'm giggling about something that happened when I was 12. Old things still crack me up. The flip side? I'm getting way too emotional for my own good! Mindless, stupid movies with titles like Doodh ka karz and Sainik start the water works. I guess it's just my sub conscious way of balancing things out.

With regard to people, I feel like a hypocrite... and definitely a bigger one than the kind that exists in all of us. I'm trying hard to stay away from some people although we've shared some good times together. I don't have the patience to listen to their stories or the philosophy that they keep dishing out but don't feel like being downright frank about it. (Oooook... but atleast I'm trying to explore my diplomatic side.. that's if I have one.) Also, with a few shocking things doing the rounds, I'm beginning to wonder if some people are actually as nice as I make them out to be. These kind of thoughts are just reinstating the fundas I've followed to get by college... and of course, I passed on the knowledge. My girls are such rockstars!

I'll leave the happy thoughts for another day. I don't want them to disappear. I'd like to stay addicted. :)

#40

Have I ever mentioned that I love Simon and Garfunkel? Well, I do and I love them a lot. My mom used to hum their songs and that's how I got introduced to two extremely talented people. I liked the final result of great lyrics that were placed in soft, dreamy melodies and could play some songs on "repeat" mode. I believe that there's something very charming about their vocals. Why this sudden declaration of admiration and love? Just the other night I was looking out of my window while Leo was playing a Simon and Garfunkel song and for some unknown reason I suddenly felt very calm... and i knew it was the song's effect on me. No, the lyrics didn't describe my life nor did the song carry words that I would ponder over in the near future. But at that moment, it just felt like the most beautiful song I had ever heard. And that's when I rediscovered my love for the singing duo. Heck, it was their music that saw me through 9th std geometry and kept me company during my board exams... and comforted me during some terrible times. It's nice to experiment with your music once in a while but like they say - old is gold. Gold indeed.

Here is my song for the asking
Ask me and I will play
So sweetly, I'll make you smile

This is my tune for the taking
Take it, don't turn away
I've been waiting all my life

Thinking it over, I've been sad
Thinking it over, I'd be more than glad
To change my ways for the asking

Ask me and I will play
All the love that I hold inside


Mr. Paul Simon and Mr. Art Garfunkel, I don't think I'll ever get tired of listening to you.

Feelin' Groovy

There are some people in this world who make an effort to get to know the 'real' you. They remember little things that you say, make you smile for no reason, threaten to pulverize you, know when to be serious and you can rest assured that irrespective of all the fights, fun and mood swings that you go through (with or without them), you are not going to be judged. Then there are the Mini-mommies - They welcome you with a meal made with loads of love, give you advice at the drop of a hat, care enough to yell at you when you're being stupid, allow you to whine about everything under the sun, make it easy for you to forgive yourself, give you adorable nicknames, try to see the lighter side of everything, stop your tears and console you behind AC ducts or the stairs and you know that everything you say will stay within the family. Being the mischievous brat that you are, you need your partners in crime. So you end up with people who are willing to spy.. Even if it means hiding behind bushes at some weird time of the day, star in your first (and perhaps only) dance video, help you find unlocked computers, play pranks on others (including their own girlfriends), agree to write miserable love letters as a joke, place rotten tomatoes in somebody's batting arrangement, dance on buses, on the road or even in some strange eating joint and laugh with you for all the stunts you pull together. Oh and yes, there are the Music lovers - They love music so much that they're willing to write a song for you/with you, lend their voice for the most annoying, mind numbing stuff you've ever heard (But pat on our backs, we actually remember the lyrics)and are willing to share a tune with you anytime, any place. Then you have the we-share-so-much-in-common kind. They make fabulous conversation, get you to think, help you grow and make you feel that you're as weird/normal as weird/normal can be. Overall, these people, in their own li'l ways, teach you something.

Do you secretly wish that you had some of the qualities any (or all) of these people possessed? Maybe, maybe not. But would you like to recreate the feeling of "awwwww! I am so cared for" for someone else? Most definitely!

If a dog was my teacher...

Someone sent me a mail with this long back. These are a few lessons I would pick up...


When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.

Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face to be pure ecstasy.

When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.

Take naps & stretch before rising.

Run, romp and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.

On warm days, stop to lie on your back on the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.

When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.

No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the guilt thing and pout
Run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.

Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.

Be loyal.

Never pretend to be something you're not.

If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.

When somebody is having a bad day be silent....
....sit close by
....and nuzzle them gently.

Revealed!

Tadah! When the mad child is low, beats herself down, is on the brink of feeling worthless and feckless and is not her sprightly self, all it takes to cheer her up is a soothing voice, a nap, a hug via SMS, muddy paws on her T, a wet kiss from the brat and Mommy's baked potatoes. Isn't life beautiful? :)

?

Why does music sound more soothing in the dark? Why are some friendships so screwed up that no matter how many times I try, it doesn't help and I just have to push every memory aside and move on? Why do some of my closest friends have to live in a different continent? Why do I wish for a dead pet to come back to life.. even if it's for a couple of hours? Why do some people infuriate me one moment and make me feel like melted chocolate in the next? Why do I get upset when certain people smoke? Why do I find it so difficult to stand in front of a camera? Why can't I control my tongue, my temper and learn to be diplomatic? Why do I get bored of things within a few minutes, hours, days? Why can't I compromise? Why do I get so excited about little things and then feel low when someone bursts my bubble? Why can't I think more critically than analytically? Why don't my tears flow when I really want them to but flood the place when it isn't necessary? Why do I dream? Why do I fear relationships with a romantic angle? Why is it weird that I read the Thesaurus like a novel? that I love stationery? Why can't I compliment people more often or better still, learn to accept one graciously? Why am I mathematically challenged? Why do I like white more than yellow, choose silver over gold, prefer baking to cooking? Why can't I stay emotionally dead? Why do I enjoy spending time by myself? Why was I born at all?

Heh! :)

Last night I submitted an assignment 10 minutes before the deadline and took a deep breath. My record's still untarnished. This might sound very "high school" but I have never delayed a submission in my life... and I intend to keep it that way. It makes me feel like I have some sense of discipline (even if it's just a wee bit). Well, after I logged out, I had this huge smile on my face. It didn't matter that I still had one assignment, a review exercise and two term papers to go. All I knew was that Tuesday was going to be my day off. I had no plans of touching my books and was going to spend the next 24 hours just doing my own stuff. It started with two drunk friends calling me up. Were they high or what? :) They had a number of stories to share and I couldn't stop laughing. We sang these old advertisement jingles (Yes, the ones people of my age have grown up listening to.. Vicco turmeric nahi cosmetic, washing powder Nirma...) and I had to repeat my address and all my answers to their questions a couple of times. Then the "Miss you"s and "When are you coming to meet us?" began. They say that the truth often comes out when you're high but regardless of all the gyaan given by the mysterious, elusive “They”, this was genuine. It felt really nice that the madness is still remembered. Or that I am still remembered. Thank you, Nishu and Varun. You guys gave my lovely day the perfect beginning.

I woke up late and sat in front of the TV. Now, I hate the idiot box and unless I have ABSOLUTELY nothing else to do, I avoid Mr. Baird's invention like the plague. You guessed right. I had nothing else to do. Actually, I didn’t want to do anything else. I wanted to suspend reality for a while. So... I watched a few movies back to back. The first one on the list was To Kill A Mocking Bird. I love the book and I’m glad the movie lives up to it. Atticus Finch, you’re my all time favourite onscreen hero! (Um.. when it comes to books, there is a tie between Phileas Fogg and you) A lot of Scout’s childhood reminds me of my own. Hmmm... Then I watched Malice starring Nicole Kidman and Alec Baldwin. Quite a decent movie. A nap and half of Madeline followed and before I handed over the remote to my grandmom, I watched School of Rock. There are some movies that I will never get sick of and School of Rock is one o’ them.

What strikes me is that today hasn’t been exceptionally fantabulous or filled with the most exciting things ever but I achieved what I set out to do – Unwind. I’ve been stuck with assignments and readings for almost a month and trust me; I’ve been at my capricious best! Apart from a million non academic thoughts on my mind, I’ve been oscillating between my extreme moods and just wanted time by myself. The day’s been lazy, laid back and ‘un-communicative’. I didn’t feel the need to reach out to anybody and stayed away from SMS; I cared two hoots about the worries of the world. Even the food I ate wasn’t an issue. Being a part of the silly games the brats play only added more joy. The funny thing is that all these days I’ve been advising a friend on how he should take a break from work and get back to being his fun self. Ha! Didn’t notice myself now, did I? But yeah, I can feel the stress knots loosening up. There isn’t a thing that I would want to change about today. What tomorrow holds, I don’t know. Right now I plan to grab leo and watch the rain from my favourite place in the house. Somebody’s getting her life back...:)

The land of dreams and romance, of fabulous wealth and fabulous poverty, of splendour and rags, of palaces and hovels, of famine and pestilence, of genii and giants and Aladdin lamps, of tigers and elephants, the cobra and the jungle, the country of hundred nations and a hundred tongues, of a thousand religions and two million gods, cradle of the human race, birthplace of human speech, mother of history, grandmother of legend, great-grandmother of traditions, whose yesterdays bear date with the modering antiquities for the rest of nations-the one sole country under the sun that is endowed with an imperishable interest for alien prince and alien peasant, for lettered and ignorant, wise and fool, rich and poor, bond and free, the one land that all men desire to see, and having seen once, by even a glimpse, would not give that glimpse for the shows of all the rest of the world combined.

- Mark Twain

I'd die a million times over to be born Indian again!

This is for one of the 15 people who make me smile. It's for putting up with the drama, the madness, the mood-swingy-ness, the bad jokes, the psycho weirdness and the childlike behaviour. We'll sing Strawberry Fields Forever while standing in the middle of the street at some unearthly hour.. again and again... and again.. But for now, here's what I'd like to say to you:

When you're weary, feeling small,
When tears are in your eyes, I will dry them all;
I'm on your side. when times get rough
And friends just cant be found,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

When you're down and out,
When you're on the street,
When evening falls so hard
I will comfort you.
Ill take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.

Sail on silver girl,
Sail on by.
Your time has come to shine.
All your dreams are on their way.
See how they shine.
If you need a friend
I'm sailing right behind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will ease your mind.

Thank you, AD :)