I have been interacting with a lot of people in the past few weeks. Close friends, ex boyfriends, lost friends, acquaintances, family... it goes on.. and somehow the one favourite topic that is discussed at lunch, night outs, railway stations, car rides, gTalk, family dinner has been : The status of that one fluttery-flittery relationship. DB and I talk about in the "confession room" so often that now if I don't mention it to her, it seems ODD! Girls tell their girlfriends every single thing. How we felt at that time, how he said this to me, what his expression meant and how it didn't match what came out from his mouth, the way he smelled, the twinkle in his eye, how furious he makes me.... We remember, analyse, over analyse and interpret it all and it seems absolutely normal to us 'coz the gorgeous women around us just get it! And we wonder how men can call us complicated when they're the ones who haven't a clue about what they want in life!!

Love. Hate. Relationships. Forever. Splitsville. Heartbreak. We all go through it. Somebody once told me that my life would make a very interesting book. Handbook is more like it. There are enough and more experiences and emotions that have found their way into my life and can act as reference material for another person :) I like to believe that I am in tune with every bit of me and have no qualms in admitting it. Expressing it. I feel low, I phone a friend, I feel hurt, I lock myself in my room and cry out loud, I feel upset, I hold my mom, I feel happy, I spread it, I feel indifferent I snap out of it, I feel confused, I am aware of it... you get the hang of it... So coming back, a friend asked me a simple question the other night about a certain relationship. It isn't the first time he's brought it up. I never give him a straight answer. I offer him a million excuses instead. Sometimes I wonder why I can't tell him what's going on knowing well enough that he will understand. But yes, my mind starts jogging and it takes me a couple of days, phone calls and me time to figure things out. Some introspection too.

In the beginning, everything seems like a dream. The sweet nothings, candy, flowers, midnight conversations, sudden love for poetry, travelling to the other end of the city even if it means spending only 5 minutes with the person - Oh-so-perfect *teeheehee*. A few months down the line and you feel like a middle aged couple. Yelling at each other, fighting over the silliest things, the cute things turn irritating, getting on each others nerves and the most common "complaint": I'm being taken for granted. In another friends words : You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost. But that's exactly what it is. If I was to look around me, all that people say is the spark died out. WTF? Is that how it's gonna be for me too? (I try to ignore both the times it was actually given to me as an excuse to walk out of what I thought was absolutely wonderful :P). "It's about the chase. it's always better than the kill itself." "If I fall IN love, I give myself the option to fall OUT of it too", "I get bored really fast." "Right now I just want to have fun. I'm not looking at anything serious." "Oh, i just don't want to make the effort." How come I never find myself saying things like this? I make a choice, I stick by it unless we're all set to kill each other. Maybe then I'll say truce and walk out. And sometimes, the friendship is too big a stake to place!

I remember him asking me once: why are you single? To that I answered: Because I can't go out and discover a new person, see if things match, if we're compatible and then after everything I don't want to be stuck with someone who fights all the time. It should be smooth. I was still recovering from my first (and hopefully only) heartbreak. He looked at me and said: you cannot love without hate. The fights only prove that you both are passionate. If they didn't happen, you would never love the other completely. Oh, how I guffawed at it!! I thought he'd flipped his lid and wouldn't stop laughing. Looking back, in some weird way, I get what he meant. But still why date anyone? I believe that everybody has a pair of arms that they fit into perfectly. We all have our quirks. We are conscious about it and think it's abnormal. Trust me, it's not. If I'm willing to take out the time and put in the effort to tell someone that his life did not go unnoticed, I would want the same too, for him to say : I noticed that you have an affinity towards lime green sneakers, you can't sit still if you don't face the door, you need your space, you name everything you own..... and I think it's normal! *sigh* A puddle of me shall touch the floor... ok it doesn't take just that much but you know what I mean :)

Love encompasses all. It's all for giving, it's all forgiving. As a child, I used to think that it cannot be shared with just one person. You needed a lot more to make the place, the space happy. I still believe it. Maybe it just takes different forms now. Giving my folks a hug when they walk in after a tiring day, making a phone call just because I miss someone, running to a friend's house just to check on him/her, surprise gifts, walks, helping someone...it all comes out of care and concern for the other. And when you are woken up by excited whines and barks and tails that don't stop wagging, you know it's love for sure.

"A cistern contains. A fountain overflows."