For Today, I Thank:

Pits: Whiny or not, you're my little baby

DBS: Wah! Happiness you are.

Agi: We can talk anywhere, anytime :)

And All: I swear we'll go for a really good flick.. definitely not "by chance" :)

Maruti: I was at ease, I know you were too and it felt really good :)

Cookie Boy: Getting to know you is delightful! It's all cool.

Rith: Because you're the sunshine of my life.

Dhols: Because you're just always there. And that laugh makes me laugh.

The Brats: For the welcome I got. *Muah* on your little noses.

Ro: Because you've got yourself a new number. You know how much it means to me :P

Ma: Just because I feel like it! :)

"I want to live in an era where I would have a simple love story woven out by my Prince Charming. There would be bells, moonlit walks, candlelight, star gazing, sitting under apple trees and reading poetry, strumming the guitar and singing, flowers, candy, one glass of milkshake with two straws, holding hands, spontaneous hugs and kisses, hot flushes, comfortable silence and those moments when time stops still. Alas, in the end you know that if wishes were horses, beggars would ride. But for the person you are, you continue to stay in love with love, believe in smiles, believe in rainbows, believe in happy endings, believe in magic. Most importantly, just believe."

:)

:)

It's amazing what sleep can do to you. Or maybe it was the conversation before I slept. Yeah, come to think of it, it was just that.

I'll rewind a little. When I woke up this morning, there were these thoughts that kept troubling my mind. It just kept going back to the same old thing. What went wrong, what could've been different, why?? Some parts felt nice, some crummy and others were being pushed into the don't-think-about-it category. Overall, I felt like I was gonna laugh about all of it with tears in my eyes. Then a chat window opened up and though I put up quite a struggle to suppress all that I was going through and why I felt that way, I gave in. Sometimes I hate myself for being expressive. But then that's how I am built. Unknowingly, a lot opened up for me in that conversation. Most importantly, acceptance.

It's funny how when you go through a rough patch, you turn cynical about things around you, beat yourself hard, play the blame game, feel like pond scum or arrogant and irrespective of what anyone else says or does, heart of hearts you know you want to reach out to that one person. All the while long, you ask yourself one question - Was it really worth it?

It was. Every dinky, daft and delightful bit. It may have not been the way I wished for it to be, I may have not got all that I wanted, given all that I could have but if I look back, I know at that point of time, I was truly happy and nothing will ever change that.

I doubt if you will ever read this and if you don't it's okay :) It's just to say thank you for being a part of my life; For being a pain, a dumdum, a confidant, a friend. For holding me close, however brief a period, and showing me those levels of happiness that border on insanity. Like I told you once, it is probably illegal :) We may never share all that we did, may never have our silly fights, arguments, drama, random conversations again or spend a moment together but I think it's fair that we make our choices without an ounce of bitterness. And smile because it happened :)

And a huge hug to a mad girl living in Hyd who believes in rainbows, butterflies, sunshine, sugar and spice and everything nice. We're so alike! Muah!! :)

Into My Own

One of my wishes is that those dark trees,
So old and firm they scarcely show the breeze,
Were not, as 'twere, the merest mask of gloom,
But stretched away unto the edge of doom.

I should not be withheld but that some day
into their vastness I should steal away,
Fearless of ever finding open land,
or highway where the slow wheel pours the sand.

I do not see why I should e'er turn back,
Or those should not set forth upon my track
To overtake me, who should miss me here
And long to know if still I held them dear.

They would not find me changed from whom they knew--
Only more sure of all I thought was true.

- Robert Frost

Ah! That nice feeling envelopes me yet again :) That sense of achievement, pat-on-my-back kind of buzz is running through every bit of me, body and soul. It's amazing what a submission on time can do to me. H-A-P-P-I-N-E-S-S! I still have a bunch of assignments to clear up but this is a start.

The much awaited three day weekend has ended. I chilled out on Saturday. Took in the sun and spent time doing things I love. Felt like the cat's meow in my own little world. The weather was amazing in the evening and I was out with one of my girls... oh and I discovered things in my wardrobe that I decided to try on. My jeans finally got some rest. Nice! :) Initially, I was a little conscious but settled down soon. All of Sunday witnessed the great baking event. 7 batches of cookies and hardly any left to munch now. Pits, I promise to deliver your share this weekend. The others are on hold. Indulged in some retail therapy - sureshot path to extreme joy and then picked up Radio Partner and brought her back home. We can talk and talk and still talk some more. There are very few people I want to know for the rest of my life and she's definitely one of them. In fact this weekend even saw me weighing a couple of other people in my life. Good or downright mean, I shall reserve my comments for now. *koff* coming back... Spoke to Hari b**y... that boy makes me very happy :) I'll come "dheere dheere" to see you, don't you worry. Woke up to a wonderful Monday morning. No, 26th Jan, 15th Aug and 2nd Oct are not mere holidays for me. I attach a set of emotions to all three days and I feel blessed every single moment to have been born in this country. Bunked work to finish my assignment. I'm looking forward to the coming weekend. and the next 'coz of people coming to my city... and the next 'coz I'll be out celebrating the jinxedness.. Yay!:).. and the next 'coz there's some adventure sport planned out.... and the next 'coz.. it goes on and on. There's just so much to do, to say, to see.... to live for! The heart is extremely gladdened!

And I had one of the most satisfying conversations with my mom on the bike. I love what our relationship has grown into. Ma, you're the best!

:)

On My Playlist....

They're my favourites. Period.

Ah Hunnnnnnnnnnnnn

I can't figure out what's happening. I feel calm and tranquility and yet I'm restless and irritable. Almost like the fusion of the forces is throwing me off track. Or maybe there's a whirling dervish hiding somewhere. Pthooie!

Delhi 6

And we update it to this.

For someone who's in love with that city and its history and grew up partly there, I have to watch the movie! And of course, for that li'l pigeon :)

Girlies, keep yourselves free on 20th Feb!

Thought For The Day

Mommies come in all shapes and sizes. One of them can even be a daddy :P

*ducks to avoid flying drumstick*

Oh yes, the British accent/Brishit Askent... whatever you pick... is still VERY hot!!

Of "Conversations"

Boring Thursday morning. We log into gTalk to see if there is anyone who can entertain us. We're waiting. Still waiting. Then a window pops up. It's And All!

And All: Good Morning

Us: Hello Hello

And All: Mental

Us: Not mental, only gentle.

Little did we know that we just created the line of the day! :)

Switch to the evening. The weather is a-w-e-s-o-m-e; just right to eat roasted peanuts from the cart wallah. But instead we decide to try the boiled corn that stares at us. We take a few bites and break into unabashed excitement about watching Slumdog Millionaire. After all, we won tickets in a lucky draw ;) As we converse...

DB: I'm feeling so hungry. I wish it turns 12 soon.

Us: Hmmmm

DB: I hope the movie's good

Us: Hmmmm... Ha ha ha ha ha ha (Typical style, where everything goes up our nose)

DB: And you would laugh because?

Us (holding the yummy stuff in our hands): "Corn" banega Crorepati.

*Biff* *Bamm*... Thank god the colony wasn't too far away :)

And DB, please tell Vish that he read it right! :P

As of now, we are addicted to this. *mmmmm*

They Make My World Go Round....

The whole of last week has been crazy! Things moved so fast that I was on the verge of burning out. Thankfully my support system arrived on time and saved me from any irreversible damage. I still feel as normal/weird as normal/weird can be :)

I have always been brutally honest with myself and with people who mean something to me. I don't know any other way. Most parts of last year I had this constant worry that I had forgotten how to manage relationships and was becoming a self centred bum. By the end of the year, everything fell into place and it was just perfect! In fact I'm out to better a certain friendship that I was running away from. Yay! I used all of last week to catch up on some Me Time and I am amazed at how much I've learned about... ummm.. me! At no point did I fake how I felt and that's nice. Anyway, on new year's someone told me that I strike him as genuine ;) *blush* After all the rubbish I've been listening to, I'm glad it comes across that way.

If I have been honest and expressive about the flip floppiness generated, it's only fair that I see other side without being prejudiced. People will get their comeuppances without me wishing for it. That's what is beautiful about life. It's a complete circle. I probably learned it the hard way but at least it is a lesson that I draw strength from. DB (bless that girl's soul!) and I often wonder why some people enter our lives at all. Only those who want to stay should be given a key. Well DB, here's what I think. We get to learn from their experiences and sometimes we realise that we're extremely lucky to not be born as them. When I was 7,there were days that I felt like asking my mom why she always told me that the world is good, people are good. It seemed like everyone out there was only trying to screw you and you were the bumbling idiot who tried to maintain a difference and exhibit maturity well beyond your years. Looking back, I can't thank her enough for drilling it into my head. Be kind... for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle. It's something I want to pass down to the next generation.

Speaking of that, I have two things to say. Firstly, I believe that mothers come with in built radars. They just always know!! Don't ask me how, why.. they just do!!! Last night, when I sat down to tell my mom everything that was eating me up from the inside, all she said was: I knew it! Annoyingly amusing. And it kicks me to no end that someday my radar will be activated too. When it gets activated, coming to my second thought, I know who I'd pick as a godfather (nope, not the Don Vito Corleone kind). This one is just nice, mad and wise. Talk about long term planning. Let's see how long it lasts. Sometimes I wish I could jump into the future and see where I'd be 5 years from now; where would my girls be. Each one of them is simply gorgeous! Am I fortunate or what to have a support system like that!

It's funny how an event happening across the globe could have such a deep impact on you. I watched Obama's inaugural ceremony last night. I love the man. I don't know about you but I sure felt like history was being created and I was a part of it. And ultimately, how trivial everything seemed in the big picture. I know exactly where I am heading and for the first time in three months, I understand what passion means. As a victim of the age of consumerism, I have to say - I'm loving it!! :)

"It's like a mystery movie. The first time you watch it, you're curious to know how the story goes. Every minute you push yourself to expect the unexpected; that there's a twist in the tale and you're looking forward to it. The end thrills you or leaves you disappointed. Now go and watch the movie with a friend. You know exactly how it's gonna be. Some bits still excite you. But now you can predict almost everything."

This conversation with Piggy kept replaying in my head on Thursday night. We both know what we were referring to. It was an observation. Every experience just helped us build character and learn a million lessons. We grew into certain kinds of people. And that is something I'm thankful for. I'm way too spaced out to react dramatically or question all that was shared. I'm just letting it be.

I have absolutely no hard feelings or regrets. I still think that the person in question is wonderful. The only thing that kept pricking me was the sudden appearance of glass walls. Things weren't going to be the same and I didn't know how to deal with it. Now I do.

Someone very, very, very important once asked me how I could still be friends with him considering all the "stories" I've heard. Here's your answer. Just your underlying sense of honesty defines my relationship with you. You're pragmatic and are one of the few people who can knock sense into my head. You comfort me like magic. Thursday night when I couldn't think straight and was troubled beyond words, it took one message from you to shift everything fundamentally. The next morning, I woke up to a sunshine-y day. I don't have to be high to tell you that you're my best friend.

One fine day
You'll look at me
And you will know our love was
Meant to be
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl
The arms I long for
Will open wide
And you'll be proud to have me
By your side
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl
Though I know you're the
Kind of boy
Who only wants to run around
I'll keep waiting and
Someday darling
You'll come to me when you want to settle down oh
One fine day
We'll meet once more
And then you'll want the love you
Threw away before
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl
One fine day
We'll meet once more
And then you'll want the love you
Threw away before
One fine day
You're gonna want me for your girl

I know why I connect with the song. Yep, One Fine Day....

To two extremely important people in my life:

Stop screwing around, take responsibility for what exists and quit abusing what we share!

Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned!

I am full of beans, my day's planned out, I care two hoots for the mysterious behaviour, I am going to meet one of my favourite people and I feel kicked about being a girl!!

Monday morning blues? Naaaaaahhh! Not me! :)

Pearls of Wisdom :P

"Sometimes when people say that they need space, they actually need a galaxy."

So says Pits and I concur.

I Do Not Love You

I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz,
or the arrow of carnations the fire shoots off.
I love you as certain dark things are to be loved,
in secret, between the shadow and the soul.

I love you as the plant that never blooms
but carries in itself the light of hidden flowers;
thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance,
risen from the earth, lives darkly in my body.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where.
I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;
so I love you because I know no other way

that this: where I does not exist, nor you,
so close that your hand on my chest is my hand,
so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep.

- Pablo Neruda

Yes, We feel flip floppily happy. It takes a few words to make us melt.... *mmmm*

After a lot of screaming, frustration, "indifference" and confusion, the verdict's out:

I still feel like melted chocolate and end up getting flip floppy.

:)

I don't envy people. It's just one of those things I know about myself. But for reasons known to me and unknown to you, I hate Pattie Boyd!


Someday.... *sigh*

I have this annoying feeling that's sucking away all my energy. I call it the "maybe I just don't fit in" feeling. One side, nothing sits correctly except the most significant piece. The other side, everything works like clockwork except the prime factor... and I'm left hanging in the air. *Pbbbbttttt* Don't like it!

=)

Moods of a Woman

An angel of truth and a dream of fiction,
A woman is a bundle of contradiction,
She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse,
But will tackle a stranger alone in the house.
Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose,
She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose,
She'll win you in rage, enchant you in silk,
She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk,
At times she'll be vengeful, merry and sad,
She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad

Moods of a Man

Hungry
Horny
Sleepy

Funny, me thinks :)

The best thing about our sex?

We understand other women!

*chuckles*

*Huggggggg* to all my gorgeous girls :)

"And in the end
The love you take
Is equal to the love you make."

In the end nothing remains. All those people who told you that they'll be there come hell or high water, they lied between their teeth. The ones who said they'll love you till the very last minute couldn't wait to walk out of your life. Some were lucky/unlucky enough to not have you as a part of their lives any more. Your care and concern makes no difference. It only gets thrown back at you in sacks of dirt called Selfishness and you're asked if it's just one of those days or are you always inconsiderate. Then there are clowns who won't want you for themselves but can't bear the fact that you're happy with your life. They claim to know better. In some awful sense you apparently "belong" to them. But they seem to be the first ones to drop you like a hot potato and want to have nothing to do with you after a certain point. Woo hoo!! And how is it that every time you aren't in touch with some people, it's your fault? Like you're the one who is portrayed as the busy-snobbish-high flying one; the one who's "changed"?

Cut out the NOW insignificant bits of your life. You're meant for bigger things! And a million dreams.

Just One of Those Things

For the Goan I like the way we can talk about moods and songs

Someday to sing it out loud

For the good times at hostel

For the innocence

For the madness


For the girls.. All the girls

For somebody's story

The Goodnight Song!

For growing into a responsible young adult

For a "repeat mode" song if I was to have one

For a walk down memory lane... quite literally a lane

For a song, a voice mom introduced me to

For starters as my list unfolds

For something I'll never get tired of :)