Terror attacks turn me numb. Not indifferent, just numb. There are always these stories of people missing death by a whisker.. not boarding a train, changing plans, taking another route instead of the usual..I turn numb to all of it. Death always makes me think of my own life. If I was to die tomorrow or even in the next minute, would I have any regrets? Nope. None whatsoever. I remember having an argument with someone who had an issue with the way I perceived life. He ultimately told me that I live in a beautiful little bubble and don't know what reality is about. The way I look at it is "yeah, there will always be problems, soap operas, drama etc. but if none of it is going to matter 20 years down the line, it's okay to laugh about it." I still live that way. And what always strikes me when I hear of people dying is that irrespective of who we are and what we would like to be, how insignificant we all are in the larger picture! Death is such a fine leveler.
I'm tired of being lazy! Never thought I would say that but it's the truth. I'm tired of giving myself all those excuses for things not going the way I would like them to and it's about time I took charge of my life. Few things on the list are getting myself a job that pays - I hate being financially dependent, fixing my teeth and most importantly, stop abusing my fortune! I want to go back to being a nerd...
This one's for you. It kills me when I make a mess of expressing how I feel. I don't need an ego massage. It's absolutely fine if you don't ever find the words to say all that you would like to. It's not right for me to mix my past and all my cynicism with you. I can't thank you enough for all that you are.. for all that you make me.
My girls.. all my girls... Muah!!
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