"Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring - it was peace."

-Milan Kundera

*pooches group hug time*

For 2011

* Get that passport

* Make monthly resolutions

* Fix the unfixed stuff - Hair, skin, weight, teeth

* Save, save, save and then blow it all up on a great holiday

* Go bald

* Stick to A photo a day plan

* Go veg for a month

* Cycle to the airport and back. 120 km

* Soul searching

* Jive classes

* Visit good friends in Hyd - Thanks, Paro :)

Each piece of tape had to be placed perfectly. Then came the glue and paper cut-outs. I had almost forgotten about the card. Thank heavens I had shopped for the rest well in advance. My neck ached, my hands shook and eyelids drooped but I kept working. Well, it was after a very long time that I was making gifts at home. Partly returning what I had received, mostly because I love the person.

DTQ, I hope you had a wonderful day. May the 21st year bring in lots of goodies... materialistic and otherwise :)

I like that I grew up with a bunch of brothers around. They kept things real for me :)

It's been 6 months since I started working and the experience has been wonderful! I know that this is what I want to do for the rest of my life. Teach, teach, teach!! *sigh* It gives me such a high

I'm glad that I never have to knock on the doors of a business school or wonder what I want to do five years down the line. It's never been about the money.

Once in a while, it's nice to look at the world and smirk.

Almost There

Birthdays are a fun time to reflect on life. Relationships, interests, goals, wishes... all those big, important things and the little ones that join in along the way.

Turning 24 was extremely interesting. Equations were finally balanced. I don't resist change but I can't say I'm a huge fan of it.

And the clock continues to tick.

A special thank you to all those people who thought of me on my day and sealed some love in envelopes and sent it across :)

There's Something So:

Comforting about Simon and Garfunkel's music

Adorable about Muddy paw prints everywhere

Charming about well dressed men

Gorgeous about Audrey Hepburn

Calming about the moon

Soulful about Jason Mraz's voice

Irritating about horns and crackers

Sinful about Mississippi mud pies

Warm about my blanket

Happy about yellow, pumpkins, popcorn and bubble wrap

Cool about a very high best friend

Funky about a store in the city

Fun about the mater

Right about just plain platonic relationships

Exciting about stationery

Cute about dimples

A fancy free Friday spent with one of my favourite people should have led to a super duper Saturday with more of the ones I love. That's how it was laid out in my head.

Instead the afternoon brought in a bit of terrible news. Hoping for the best, we continued to munch and catch up on all that had happened in the last few weeks. Thankfully, the city was kind and gave us some unbelievably lovely weather. We walked up a road, discovering places for the first time, laughing in the breeze. Finally, we found a spot that looked eerily perfect. Our conversation flowed... till it was rudely interrupted by a fight on the phone. Ah, there went the precious mood. The chatter that followed left us with an unsettling feeling. Right there in the stomach. And that was the beginning of the cold war.

For me, the events only brought back a huge chunk of the past. Childhood grudges, flushes of anger during adolescence and lamenting mistakes made during the post teen era. It all played like a movie. Every incident that follows only reaffirms my "theories" and takes me one step closer to complete detachment.

But every cloud does have a silver lining. Maybe just a sliver of silver. Yesterday it was that time spent under the tree, talking and giggling with two of my closest friends.

For now, I need to find another orbit.

The sun shines through the curtain. You re-enter a state of consciousness as you sense another being breathing in the room. You think it's rather big, going by its deep breath. It fills up the room. Too scared to try anything, you lay still on your bed. You can feel the weight of its head on your pillow.

Something wet touches the inside of your ear.

You open your eyes with a start!

Before you know it, in all that excitement, it attacks, flattens your stomach completely, leaves a couple of scratches on your arm and lashes you with the other end.

And then it leaves.

That big, fat, black lump of dogginess has brought you back to the real world yet again.

Of Conversations

This one took place between my parents while we were in the car. I had just related a story about someone I knew who had eloped. Her folks were livid and had come close to disowning the girl.

Baba: How crazy! Just because the boy isn't from their community, it doesn't mean he isn't a good human being. I wonder why parents do this.

Ma: I know what you mean. Some parents spend their lives trying to make their children independent and want them to stand on their own feet but when it comes to choosing a life partner, they want to be in control. Isn't it a little hypocritical?

Baba: I don't know about others but I'm sure of one thing. I will never force my decision on my kids. Let them marry people from any religion, caste, community, nationality... As long as they're genuinely happy...that's all that matters...

The conversation set me thinking.

It's rather difficult to express how it feels to grow up in a house where all channels of communication are wide open. You just learn the ways of the world at your dining table and know that no matter what you go through, your folks will always understand. Nothing else is as reassuring.

Ma, Baba - Thank you for getting everything that we say. Even in our moments of deafening silence.

And as we wind on down the road
Our shadows taller than our soul
There walks a lady we all know
Who shines white light and wants to show
How everything still turns to gold
And if you listen very hard
The truth will come to you at last
When all are one and one is all
To be a rock and not to roll

And she's buying a...
stairway to heaven...

All I Really Need to Know I Learnt in Kindergarten

* Share everything.

* Play fair.

* Don't hit people.

* Put things back where you found them.

* Clean up your own mess.

* Don't take things that aren't yours.

* Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody.

* Wash your hands before you eat.

* Flush.

* Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you.

* Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day some.

* Take a nap every afternoon.

* When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together.
* Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.

* Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we.

* And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.

Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming WOOHOO what a ride!

Tuesday

Funny how moods swing sometimes

The day started with an unpleasant conversation replaying in the head. The voices went berserk. The railway crossing ensured that I was late. I walked with a thundercloud hovering over my head.

Mid-day. I receive Flashy Pink's work of art and I flip for it. She captured what I saw in my head in shades of green and yellow. The thundercloud had vanished.

All that school expected us to do was art, art and some more art. While cutting paper, the city welcomed the rain... Ah! maybe that's where the thundercloud went.

Simon and Garfunkel told me about things while I rode on the traffic stricken roads. The jams didn't bother me. It felt awesome to bring back the "sunshine" of my life.

I walked into the dining area and found a parcel.

When I write my list of "AWESOME", #1 would be the people in my life. A tall, mad, pretty, smart girl who loves stories and photographs will get a special mention. It's the least I can do for my "Perfect Chicken Wing Partner" Muchas gracias y amor! :)

That gift was the cherry on top.

My day was laced with happiness.

To Do List:

* Find space. Lots of it.

Paul Simon and Art Garfunkel

I heart :)

Labyrinth.

With the choices that come on a salver, sometimes all you need to do is give yourself a chance. Not make a complex structure out of it... That maybe it would work out. Just would.

Affirmation.

Fancy word that empowers. You believe because... you just believe. No two ways about it.

Serendipity.

The blue print of your life is sitting pretty somewhere. Everything happens for a reason. Don't fight the argument. And when you find yourself in a fortunate accident, don't fight that either.

Audrey Hepburn - Moon River

When two of my favourites get together, the result is beautiful :)

Weekend.

Reading almost every word in the newspaper. Bathing the dogs. Bathing myself. Pasta, cutlets and mashed potatoes. The Lunatic Express. Afternoon nap. Blink. Redoing the room. An alarm for 6 AM.

Michaelpallya, 1st Cross. Maps and Geography. New kid on the block. Bus ride to Avenue Road. Walkity walk. 5 bottles of acrylic paint, 4 of powder paint, 3 sheets of paper, oil pastels. Bus ride back into town. Peco's. Beer - Lots of it. The happy afternoon buzz in the head. Led Zepplin. Elvis and Hysteria. Ma. Blink again. More of The Lunatic Express.

Storytelling. Awesome Barbecue lunch. Fresh air. Woofs, nips, licks, barks and wagging tails. Art. Baba.

Much appreciated. All of the above.

:)

Maggie and Milly and Molly and May

Maggie and Milly and Molly and May
went down to the beach (to play one day)

and Maggie discovered a shell that sang
so sweetly she couldn’t remember her troubles,and

Milly befriended a stranded star
whose rays five languid fingers were;

and Molly was chased by a horrible thing
which raced sideways while blowing bubbles:and

May came home with a smooth round stone
as small as a world and as large as alone.

For whatever we lose(like a you or a me)
it’s always ourselves we find in the sea

- E. E. Cummings

Fifty Ninth Street Bridge Song

Slow down, you movin' too fast
You gotta make the morning last
Just kickin' down the cobblestones
Lookin' for fun and
Feelin' groovy

Hello lampost
Whatcha knowin?
I've come to watch your flowers growin'
Ain'tcha got no rhymes for me?
Doo Bee Doo Doo,
Feelin' groovy

Got no deeds to do
No promises to keep
I'm dappled and drowsy and ready to sleep
Let the morning time drop all its petals on me...
Life, I love you,
All is groovy

Catch it here

I wish I could hold onto this feeling every day! :)

When you touch the third bottle, you figure that this isn't fun anymore. It's good that one part of your life has been packed up but you haven't a clue about the present. One guards you all the time. One overflows with "buddiness". All you want is a random conversation. Till the next evening you sit down to reassess your life. Have your values taken a backseat? Has all that self control gone on a holiday? You would like to believe the good things still exist. But this won't be the first time that you've been accused of living in a pretty little bubble. "Let's spread some love and joy" Nah, doesn't work that way. "Mixed signals" get passed around like a warm pillow.

Annoying.

Maybe some reflection would do you some good.

What say, monk who sells pianos?

P.S. At 40, the wedding's on.

What can you say about a twenty-five-year old girl who died?

That she was beautiful. And brilliant. That she loved Mozart and Bach. And the Beatles. And me.

As we live a life of ease
Everyone of us has all we need
Sky of blue and sea of green
In our yellow submarine...

Friday to Sunday

Weekends come and weekends go.

Only that this particular one was ideal. Friends on vacation in this beautiful city, the 3 PM beer buzz, chicken curry and rice, The Beatles and Coldplay, a dozen stories recollected, hot lemon tea, a heart to heart conversation in an auto rickshaw, bazaar, a newly discovered cozy cafe in one of my favourite places.

B-L-I-S-S! Yet again :)

My very heavily medicated, sleep over indulged head keeps saying one thing - It's my body's way of commanding me to rest and not fight. More importantly, I should enjoy it instead of whining about how I hate it. Back to my pillow and blanket. Thank you, Mr. Antibiotic.

Flipping through a virtual album and I stop at a photo that I had almost forgotten about. Well, it doesn't hang on the line in my room anymore. I have my reasons.

Seeing it after ages, I figured that maybe the good times don't always get better. Sometimes, they end. And that is the best solution.

I know for sure that I've passed all stages of bitterness and anger.

*Gives the peace sign*

I love that you get cold when it's 71 degrees out. I love that it takes you an hour and a half to order a sandwich. I love that you get a little crinkle above your nose when you're looking at me like I'm nuts. I love that after I spend the day with you, I can still smell your perfume on my clothes. And I love that you are the last person I want to talk to before I go to sleep at night. And it's not because I'm lonely, and it's not because it's New Year's Eve. I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible.

- Harry Burns, When Harry Met Sally, 1989

Theatre is always fun for them. They do handstands, run around, sing and finally settle down to listen to a story. Last Tuesday they heard what happened to Basava and the dots of fire. They were introduced to a Peepal leaf. After looking at it, touching it, smelling it, they gave it back and headed towards the sandpit.

I was hanging around when my eyes fell on a deep green, heart-shaped leaf. I pulled it out and said "Hey guys! remember this? We just saw it sometime ago. Remember what it's called?

The little girl ummmed. The little boy scratched his head. Suddenly his big, bright blue eyes lit up and he shrieked.

"I know this one. It's the HUMAN leaf!!!"

Peepal. People. Human.

Children really are some kind of wonderful :)

Dentists, Doctors, Dermatologists, Dunderheads.

I deal with them right now.

Only my Dolphins make me smile.

As I write this (while nursing my tooth and pretending to not feel cold in this weather), the sibling is watching Arnold George Dorsey live in concert.


Sometimes life just isn't fair.

Hmmm

“for whatever we lose (like a you or a me)
it's always ourselves we find in the sea”

- E. E. Cummings

The salary shall pay for a little holiday. Wonderful place called Pondicherry. Not alone.

We three... We are not a crowd. Not even a company. My echo, my shadow and me.

- Ruskin Bond

The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

-Robert Frost

I was always told that I had my fingers in too many pies. Logically, it should have worked for me because I had a plethora of options to choose from. All I knew was that whatever I did with my life, it had to involve people, lots of colour, madness and creativity.

This is the MBA generation. In most cases, money talks while satisfaction takes a back seat. So isn't that supposed to be the path I take?

I work the other way round. A fat salary at the end of every month didn't stop me from chucking everything to the side and chasing my dream. No matter how much it paid me, the levels of happiness would be unparalleled. At least I was sure of that. And I wasn't wrong.

After 2 years, I know that no high flying corporate career will ever be able to match up to the joy of teaching, giving, learning and loving. My first day at work and I know I can do this for the rest of my life. This is where I belong. This is passion!

The last time I gave my heart away like this was 7 years ago when I picked up a book that had "ECONOMICS for Class XII" written on the cover.

This time it's to a wonderful little place called Neev.

Attention!

All the world (that's in my world) loves a writer. Especially when she doubles up as a close friend :P

http://talesreignsupreme.blogspot.com/

To be checking out please :)

I can't wait to start working.

It seems exciting. Fun. New. Creative.

And

It'll give me the perfect reason to let the world rot in my indifference folder.

Sounds good.

Now back to mindless TV watching.

Deep reserves of emotions or just emotionally dead?

Flummox. I like the way the word sounds. I like the way it's written. But most of all I like what it means.

I was told that the place we were going to was rather fancy. A small celebration for my newly acquired Masters degree. I decided to wear a pretty top, matching jewellery, my hot black pumps and minimum make up. I was all set for a great night with some exotic food and wine.

Once we reached and settled down, the owner of the restaurant came over to our table. She and my aunt got talking.

Aunt: I love the way the place is done up. The paintings, the furniture, the crockery... lovely!

Owner: Yeah? Thank you much. That painting there (pointing to a wall) was done by my son. He's 6 years old. I designed the plates and glasses.

Aunt: They are beautiful. Your pottery is very nice.

Owner: I like the colours and the glaze. I want to visit the pottery school in Pondicherry.

At this point (after taking a few sips of my drink) I added my two bits.

Me: I've seen this kind of textured pottery only in Pondicherry. Even your mats are made of handmade paper, right?

Owner: Oh yes, they have some very fascinating stuff there.

I agreed and mentioned that it's one of my favourite places.

After a while, she turned to me and asked "So what do you do? You're still in school?"

Me: School? £%^&$*(!!!!

For a few seconds, I wondered what just hit me.

Flummox (v): To confuse, bewilder

A photograph of my maternal grandfather stares at me as I type this out.

My idea of him is completely constructed by the stories I have heard from the people who knew him, worked with him, were related to him. Till now there has never been a harsh word said. I don't think there ever will be.

My mother says that in a few ways I'm a lot like him.

I wonder how different my life would have been had I met him.

So after a day long affair, we graduated. Hooting, whistling, clapping, throwing shawls in the air, screaming (Not us. We were a very well behaved bunch) and finally the degrees came our way. I thought I would be thrilled beyond words but I'm not. I'm in my mixed feelings zone. I'm not going to visit the city for a long time to come. Strangely, I seem to be forgetting a lot of things that were once happy memories. My head is still buzzing all the time. I don't know when I'll see my batchmates again. I don't know what the future holds in store for me.

I'm going to switch off for a while. Maybe a little holiday (starting tomorrow) will wipe the haziness away.

Detachment. I want. Now.

Sometimes it gets on my nerves to deal with fully able, educated, grown up people who just think paying attention is too much to ask for. After trying hard to be understood, I raise my voice slightly and I get accused of being short tempered. Egad! In all honesty, I can't wait to hit the city by the sea. That place always provides me with a cloak of anonymity on arrival. Sadly, it withers away when I leave. This probably is the story of my life. I need peace, space and my sense of freedom all the time. Don't know if it is a good or bad thing.

There's a buzz in the head. No questions or answers... just a constant buzz (not the kind alcohol causes). I sense metamorphosis round the corner.

From The Rubberband Notebook

Auto ride. Ghatkopar. Tara. Hugs. Shreyas. More hugs. Coffee. Conversation - Random to fun to happy memories. Lessons on business and Economics. Crossword. Book and book. Sandwich place. Phone call. Blink. Train to VT. Laughter in the breeze. Taxi. Gateway of India. History. Taxi again. Marine Drive. The sea. Philosophy. Countless emotions. Peace. Taxi back to VT. Train back to reality. Molecules of magic and happiness.

Dated: 30/10/2009 (Friday)

Saturday Night...

Freshly shampooed hair. You smell like a bunch of posies yourself. The night is young, the mood is vibrant, the feet can't wait to hit the dance floor, the company's ready... You're all of 23, have the perfect thing to wear for a rollicking time. All set to live... it... up!

And then...


You spend the evening in a sweaty corner of your room. The television is blaring. The IPL matches annoy you. The heat kills your appetite. Your pooches ignore you. Your family abandons all bonding plans to sit under the fan and do nothing that requires any energy. Two hours whiz by while you wash and put away the ever growing mountain of dishes in the sink, oblivious to the sweat droplets that merge with the water as you scrub. Then you walk up and blog about how exciting your life is.

Whoopie!

8 Year Old...

It’s him or me
That’s what he said
But I can’t choose
Between a vegan and a pot head
So I chose you, because you’re sweet and you give me lots of lovin’ and you eat meat
And that’s how you became
My only man of the hour

You never lie
And you don’t cheat
And you don’t have any baggage tied to your forefeet
Do I deserve, to be the one, who will feed you breakfast, lunch, and dinner and take you to the park at dawn
Will you really be
My only man of the hour

I know you’ll never bring me flowers
Flowers they will only die
And though you’ll never take a shower together
I know you’ll never make me cry
You never argue
You don’t even talk
And I like the way you let me lead you when we go outside and walk
Will you really be
My only man of the hour?
My only man of the hour
My only man of the hour

To V

At 0030 Hrs we decide to help ourselves to some strawberries and cream and walk on my favourite road in the city. Holidays, drunken times, playful teasing, slaps and pats, starting a new topic before ending the last one, jumping over gates and driving away.

I now remember what it feels like to hang out with a guy friend again. Just plain, simple, uncomplicated friendship where I don't have to be wary of what I say or do.

It feels awesome!

This truly is a very merry year :)

Somewhere in my head I always thought that the final showdown would break me into pieces or make me contemptuous. Strangely, what I feel inside is a strong sense of security; like bliss has arrived in that sparkling silver foil... the one they use to wrap Hershey's kisses.

My vicious cycle has ended. I feel it my fingers. I feel it in my toes. I definitely feel it everywhere I go.

W-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l!

*big toothy smile*

P.S. Forgiving yourself is not something that's meant to be delayed

P.P.S. *Bigger toothier smile*

Tadah!

http://yellow-scooter.blogspot.com/

Check it out sometime

Love and Peace!

Come Away With Me

Come away with me in the night
Come away with me
And I will write you a song

Come away with me on a bus
Come away where they can't tempt us
With their lies

And I want to walk with you
On a cloudy day
In fields where the yellow grass grows knee-high
So won't you try to come?

Come away with me and we'll kiss
On a mountaintop
Come away with me
And I'll never stop loving you

And I want to wake up with the rain
Falling on a tin roof
While I'm safe there in your arms
So all I ask is for you
To come away with me in the night
Come away with me

Lunch Time

After a crazy weekend, inexcusable behaviour, advice from every corner, "I understand. I always do" and "Let's do some match making", it was nice to just sit in a nondescript joint with someone and unabashedly share how you feel. The magic lies in the fact that this person doesn't judge you, listens to you and laughs with you. He understands why you hold onto your ideals and values (whatever few you claim to have) and knows that you'll be okay. Even he thinks that this generation is far too stupid, competitive, experimental to pass on any good to the future. One minute he talks to you about his passion and the next, the spotlight is on you. He knows that a dream is a dream, however big or small and is not something one ridicules. The conversation moves from music, flowers, life to travel, education and mad experiences. Most of all, he knows how to treat a woman. May be that's what sets him apart from the "boys".

Your chocolates will be delivered soon.

I'm glad you didn't get lost in the jungles of Shimoga.

Mood Swingy...

Sees grey and dark grey. Smells nothing. Feels the unexplainable. But will still try to explain.

Wants a break from the vicious cycle because muddleheaded-ness does nobody any good. Wants to scream out loud, sob till the tears dry up and pull out all the fluff in the pillows. At least shows signs of a little sanity because the other option would be to bludgeon the object(s). Has always possessed a violent streak. Has tried three times to spell the V word and feels like erasing the dotted red line. V-I-O-L-E-N-T. There.

Wants zero communication with the world. Like the protagonist of a recent movie. Wants a holiday in a small little place with lots of water. Like the female protagonist of a book recently read. Books. Now there's bright spot!

Wants a burst of creativity and flash of madness. Wants peace of mind.

Tired. Crabby. On the brink of break down. Wants damage control.

At The Movies

The first one is No doubt funny, but the typical "bollywood" idea of comedy. If you miss it, you haven't missed anything.

Road, Movie - Fabulous camera work. A thrilling idea. A rather pointless truck ride. No remarkable acting skills. But yes, I can't seem to stop singing "sar jo tera chakaraye". Guess I expected something very different. Left the theatre with a crinkled nose.

The last good Hindi movie that I watched was Ishqiya. We need more of those.

And there is a proud moment. A sudden revelation.

A post grad degree with nearly 2 years of work experience... all at the age of 23.

On some days, I feel a little extra generous towards myself.

You think I am vain? Ask me if I care.

For now I shall bask in my glory.

Play this like a movie.

"So you're from Bangalore, eh? I'm from Kolkatta." Next thing I knew, she had made me shift all my luggage to her room and we were walking towards the dining hall. After a quick meal, we got back to the room and started arranging our stuff. I noticed that she had two packets of Pure Magic (Chocolate) biscuits and I decided that I liked her already. Slowly revealing that she was a fan of The Beatles, Dylan and that she played the piano only helped swing the case in her favour. This was going to be a very enjoyable stay.

The next day was packed with lectures, presentations and lots of learning. I was dealing with certain concepts for the first time. They were complex albeit interesting. They pushed me to think. Sitting in a class filled with people who owned multiple degrees and several years of experience left me a little lost but I knew I'd last. The first set of classes whizzed past and before I realised it, it was time to go home and gear myself up for the work that followed.

Meeting deadlines. Studying. Studying some more. Writing. Receiving feedback. Dunno when the first semester ended and it was time to go back. By then I had new things to distract me. The next few months didn't turn out the way I would've liked them to but I survived.

Third Semester - A mind blowing class on language, an extension of Child Psychology and finally Sociology became like-able. Apart from that, there were trips to Town, movies, conversations over meals, loads of music and everyday I discovered something new. Ah, and thank heavens for the friendships that got redefined.

Back home and it felt like I was on a high... perpetually. The field work just increased the levels. I was blown! I knew that work would never be mundane and mechanical. There was so much to think, do, create and pass on... and having Padmini as a mentor was the biggest blessing.

The last trip. Every class was a fulfilling experience. Juggling language, history, civics, geography and policies was one helluva task. Then came the "scary" presentation and 10000 word report. Well, I got to see the days beyond them. The last semester bound everything for me - Learning, relationships, passion, and of course, my To Do lists.

Monday night, our results were declared. When I look back now, amidst all the whining, cribbing and moments of zero motivation, there were times where I've felt thankful for all that I have. The expansive pool of knowledge we were introduced to, the lighter side of the serious academicians we were exposed to, the late night confessions and admissions in the four walls of the hostel room, tying everyone with the thread of music, getting Jenny to not think of certain things, embarrassing ourselves in the dining hall, fun in Ambrosia with chocolate cake being massacred, "Rani bar", exploring the city by the sea, realising how little we actually know and how eager we are to learn, graduating from one of the finest institutions in the country, feeling powerful and alive..... It was so worth it!

The journey always is the destination.

Let's give it up for the MAEE batch of 2008-2010. Big hug to all of you!

For some, you're a reminder of their wretched past. The others are a symbol of yours.

You're detached. Death doesn't scare you. You picture yourself without your loved ones and strangely, you seem comfortable. You know that when something is not going to matter to you twenty years down the line, you won't make much of it in the present. You believe that there are no mistakes in,life, only lessons. The opposite of love isn't hate but indifference. For all that you've been through, the good, the bad, the ugly... some of it being really, really ugly, somewhere you still think it was worth it. You talk about letting go. In reality you can't ever let go completely. Not of them. Just of that part of you that cared so much.

Enter and Exit. In between, you throw yourself in a tizzy, wishing and hoping everyday and then feeling thankful that all that you asked for did not come true. You cross all boundaries only to realise that you now have to come around... and that might take you a lifetime. A cycle sets in. Every catharsis leads to a whirlwind of new emotions leaving you in a spot because you just don't know how to deal with any of it

Of what you read and see, it's supposed to be wonderful. Of what you know and experience, it's frustrating, annoying, irritating, septic, tragic and devastating. It drains you of happiness, peace, sanity et al. Yet, in some abstract, weird sense, it's beautiful. And perhaps the beauty lies in the fact that it is never meant to be.

Ignore it, long for it, run away from it.

I'm not ready to surrender to it.

And I will not fight this with food.

A Big :)

From happy hippy hair to loose shorts, Shreyas to Rith, Iced tea to Hide and Seek, bus rides to Koshy's, rain to long drives, Ma to Pa, being disowned to laughter, missing to wishing, the Limca jingle to Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. All things within. All things in between.

I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone.

- Audrey Hepburn

A Small Holiday...

...makes you realise that you are at peace with the world. You cannot ask for a better way of being. Food is undoubtedly your first love. You let go as easily as you learn to love. The armed forces make you swell with pride. Reading and travelling put your life in perspective. Learning is your biggest passion. You enjoy your company more than anything else. Or anyone else's. You mask your indifference with a veneer of detachment. The unknown is discovered, fear turns into curiosity, the important finds a place only in the distant past and you welcome the days to come with arms open wide. You breathe. Reflect. Live.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

****************

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Hap-py!

We'll say it again

Ha-ppy!

Last time. Together.

HAPPY!

Niru feels Hap-py! :)

Childhood friend... The bottle story... Home cooked food... Stories... The Indian Army... Photo frames... Singing in the car... blessed...

Fruit crumble... auto ride... p-i-a-n-o... folded-unfolded shirt sleeve... annoyed... why...

Boca Grande... Untouched blueberry cheesecake... Two mad boys: Chalk and Peter Pan... Harmless teasing... smiles...

Wonder car... Secret sharing... Hnhnhnnn... National Anthem: Germany... Officially closing the chapter... m"W"ah... Peaceful...

Home... Excited welcome... Elvis Presley... "A" grade + feedback... Happiness...

Flip floppy happy or lab puppy happy?

That is the question.

Some Kind of Wonderful...

Blank sheets. Striped Post-its. Kolhapuri chappals. Carnations. Black and White photographs. In sepia too. Orange ice candy. Little lab pups. Silver jewellery. Second hand books. Dream catchers. Mommy's dal chawal and aloo methi subzi. Music and lyrics. Horlicks. Jholas. Bangles. Chocolate cake. Long walks. Handmade paper. Note on the piano. Guitar strings. Hugs. Children going to school early morning. Pottery. Pretty hands, pretty feet. Dimples. Sunshine. The moon. Cherry blossom pink. Blankets. Fruits. Snail mail. Parcels with ribbons. Purple Sweaters. "Shine boards". Maps. Paint. Ferris wheels. Fabric. People. Bus rides. Art villages. Scooters: in yellow. Ah-a moments. Button noses. Street food. Tic-toc-s. Jogs. Being free spirited.

Ordinary Day

I fall asleep to,
your serenade.
I wake up to,
your saving grace.

I see the sun beam the perfect ray,
I wanna send out a gazillion bouquet.
I hear the chords that resonate,
It's just another,
oh oh, oh ordinary day.
aoooh, aoooh

I look from your eyes,
down to your lips.
I feel it from my toes down to my fingertips.

I see the clouds shake,
A sweet array
It's just another,
oh oh, oh ordinary day.
aoooh, aoooh, aoooh, aoooh

On Sunday afternoon we wake up,
to find that snow has fallen down down

We should put our winter clothes on,
and go walking 'round.

And we can sit there,
beside the hills.
Maybe we'll notice that the world is standing still.
Some things may go and,
some stay the same.
in just another
oh oh, oh ordinary day.
aoooh
oh, oh, oh ordinary day
aoooh
oh, oh, oh ordinary day
aoooh
oh, oh, oh ordinary day
aoooh
oh, oh, oh ordinary day

Thank you, Jenny! :)

This makes it all dreamy-crazy.

Dedicated to Chims. Just for the Christmas Night Stay when Pits couldn't understand why we liked it so much:P

All in a day...

You know you will not walk down the path of drama for a long time to come. You set limits for yourself and are glad that a value system does operate. You know the sound of laughter, be it loud, raucous or akin to the sound of chimes. You know that conversation doesn't always define friendships. There are some bonds that go beyond what is said and perhaps those are the ones that last a lifetime. Whether it's beer, good food or sitting on parked vehicles, you know the good times don't end... they just get better. You know how to let go and embark on a new journey. You know what makes you jump with joy... and finally realise the extent of hurt.All in one day. You just know.

"All our young lives we search for someone to love. Someone who makes us complete. We choose partners and change partners. We dance to a song of heartbreak and hope... all the while wondering if somewhere, somehow, there`s someone perfect... who might be searching for us."

-The Wonder Years

A Day In The Life

We take a little walk across the road. You chatter away non stop while I try to plan a lesson in my head. Then I stop. I listen. Your eyes sparkle as you move from sports and games to animals and colours. I stop again. Let's look at all that's around us. That's a gate. G for gate and H for House. My Ooos and Ahhhs are mixed generously with your stories. We enter the room. You pull out a book and bowl me over with your precision, eye for detail, logic and choice of colours. I am amazed at how content you are with life. You look at me and begin to share what's on your mind. There's a hint of sadness but in a flash of a second it changes into loud, happy giggles. I can't suppress my laughter either. Seeing you smile makes me smile.

We walk back. Me into "reality" and you into your care free world.

"Because of you, I like studying. You make it so easy."

Because of you, I have discovered the pure, unadulterated joy in giving and loving.

Sometimes I wonder who really is the learner.

Irritable. Whimsical. Tired. Moody. Snappy.

I am perfectly happy sitting by myself in one corner of the room. I don't need people to check on me every few hours. If I don't eat, drink water, use the facilities... whatever... it really is my problem. Or not. The older I grow, the lesser I want to stay attached to everything around me.

Life. goes. on.

You mope, you sigh, you whine, you cry

Crib, snarl, smirk, stick your tongue out

You scream and yell, push and squeal

And then...

You smile like a moron :)

I make it a point to say my "I love you"s everyday. I have a reason. My biggest fear in life is to die without people knowing how much they mean to me. Death doesn't scare me even a wee bit. We live, we emote, we die. Nothing before, nothing after. What stays on is love. I'm mad enough to hold onto and enjoy every bit of my over-the-top, dramatic, sometimes illogical/dil-logical, roller coaster ride like life. The thing with love is that the more you give, the more there is to give.... and I think that's wonderful!

When I pass on tomorrow, I want my death to be celebrated. There is no reason to mourn.Instead I hope people spread the love and cheer.

After all, like Emily Dickenson said:

Love—is anterior to Life—
Posterior—to Death—
Initial of Creation, and
The Exponent of Breath—

I'll smile and give you the peace sign. For sure.

Every end is a new beginning.

May your heaven be filled with all the white birds you've seen.

May you find company intelligent enough to follow your smart jokes.

May there be a never ending stack of crosswords to keep you occupied.

May your train always be on track....