For some, you're a reminder of their wretched past. The others are a symbol of yours.

You're detached. Death doesn't scare you. You picture yourself without your loved ones and strangely, you seem comfortable. You know that when something is not going to matter to you twenty years down the line, you won't make much of it in the present. You believe that there are no mistakes in,life, only lessons. The opposite of love isn't hate but indifference. For all that you've been through, the good, the bad, the ugly... some of it being really, really ugly, somewhere you still think it was worth it. You talk about letting go. In reality you can't ever let go completely. Not of them. Just of that part of you that cared so much.

Enter and Exit. In between, you throw yourself in a tizzy, wishing and hoping everyday and then feeling thankful that all that you asked for did not come true. You cross all boundaries only to realise that you now have to come around... and that might take you a lifetime. A cycle sets in. Every catharsis leads to a whirlwind of new emotions leaving you in a spot because you just don't know how to deal with any of it

Of what you read and see, it's supposed to be wonderful. Of what you know and experience, it's frustrating, annoying, irritating, septic, tragic and devastating. It drains you of happiness, peace, sanity et al. Yet, in some abstract, weird sense, it's beautiful. And perhaps the beauty lies in the fact that it is never meant to be.

Ignore it, long for it, run away from it.

I'm not ready to surrender to it.

And I will not fight this with food.

A Big :)

From happy hippy hair to loose shorts, Shreyas to Rith, Iced tea to Hide and Seek, bus rides to Koshy's, rain to long drives, Ma to Pa, being disowned to laughter, missing to wishing, the Limca jingle to Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar. All things within. All things in between.

I don't want to be alone, I want to be left alone.

- Audrey Hepburn

A Small Holiday...

...makes you realise that you are at peace with the world. You cannot ask for a better way of being. Food is undoubtedly your first love. You let go as easily as you learn to love. The armed forces make you swell with pride. Reading and travelling put your life in perspective. Learning is your biggest passion. You enjoy your company more than anything else. Or anyone else's. You mask your indifference with a veneer of detachment. The unknown is discovered, fear turns into curiosity, the important finds a place only in the distant past and you welcome the days to come with arms open wide. You breathe. Reflect. Live.

I've built walls,
A fortress deep and mighty,
That none may penetrate.
I have no need of friendship; friendship causes pain.
It's laughter and it's loving I disdain.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

****************

I have my books
And my poetry to protect me;
I am shielded in my armor,
Hiding in my room, safe within my womb.
I touch no one and no one touches me.
I am a rock,
I am an island.

Hap-py!

We'll say it again

Ha-ppy!

Last time. Together.

HAPPY!

Niru feels Hap-py! :)

Childhood friend... The bottle story... Home cooked food... Stories... The Indian Army... Photo frames... Singing in the car... blessed...

Fruit crumble... auto ride... p-i-a-n-o... folded-unfolded shirt sleeve... annoyed... why...

Boca Grande... Untouched blueberry cheesecake... Two mad boys: Chalk and Peter Pan... Harmless teasing... smiles...

Wonder car... Secret sharing... Hnhnhnnn... National Anthem: Germany... Officially closing the chapter... m"W"ah... Peaceful...

Home... Excited welcome... Elvis Presley... "A" grade + feedback... Happiness...

Flip floppy happy or lab puppy happy?

That is the question.

Some Kind of Wonderful...

Blank sheets. Striped Post-its. Kolhapuri chappals. Carnations. Black and White photographs. In sepia too. Orange ice candy. Little lab pups. Silver jewellery. Second hand books. Dream catchers. Mommy's dal chawal and aloo methi subzi. Music and lyrics. Horlicks. Jholas. Bangles. Chocolate cake. Long walks. Handmade paper. Note on the piano. Guitar strings. Hugs. Children going to school early morning. Pottery. Pretty hands, pretty feet. Dimples. Sunshine. The moon. Cherry blossom pink. Blankets. Fruits. Snail mail. Parcels with ribbons. Purple Sweaters. "Shine boards". Maps. Paint. Ferris wheels. Fabric. People. Bus rides. Art villages. Scooters: in yellow. Ah-a moments. Button noses. Street food. Tic-toc-s. Jogs. Being free spirited.