Plan for life, P-understanding of the world, Positivity, Possibility, Passing, Plato and such like, Perchance to dream, Prometo, Piggy, Pesto, Pals from school, Pals from everywhere, Pragmatism, Peace...
Perfect. Period
Monday, May 25, 2009
Thursday, May 21, 2009
It strikes me often how my blog is filled with posts that talk about making peace, being hurt, living the experience, playing with emotions. This may turn into one of those again or maybe not. But I pick today to belong; to enjoy the moment.
I hate what became of me the last six months. Dysfunctional relationships, academics that went nowhere, a job that kept me sane but I wasn't giving it my all, literally whining about a holiday and extreme fear of what I'll evolve into. Then I discovered a new mantra. It was called "I just don't care." Fight with someone? Don't care. Hurt somebody? Been hurt? Don't care. Lost a friend? Don't care. Got a terrible grade? Stomach upset? Feeling lonely? Existing like furniture? Love handles? Politics? Best friend doesn't seem like the best anymore? Don't care, Don't care, DON'T CARE! Then I got exhausted of not caring. I was too tired to feel hurt, angry, upset, played around with, foolish, unhappy. I hated the feeling of being left by myself and believing that I was turning difficult. In someone's words, Like the whole world was conspiring to hurt me. :P Waitaminut.. The Alchemist didn't talk about that. The universe was supposed to conspiring in other ways...Then it all fell in place.
There are some days when I feel that the world around me has signs and clues laid out. Things are always meant to happen. Even when I take a step to make it work, THAT was meant to happen. Only, I turn a little slow when I can't figure out my clues. And that throws me in the middle of, what I shall call, Drama. Romanticizing every little event, occurrence, happening. I loved it all. I found it amusing when I could over react, misinterpret and what not and then laugh about all of it at the end of the day. I knew others who did it too so that in some weird way made me normal. Ha!
I'll tell you what's normal. Sleeping at 11 and waking up at 7. Believing in the general goodness of every human being and loving them the way they are. Not piling up your plate like you haven't seen food for the last 6 months. Taking time off and visiting old friends. Sticking to deadlines and planning the bigger things in life. Loving myself. Loving others. You know what I mean.
It doesn't sound all that bad. I quite like normal. My 6 months of hell are over. And I knew exactly where I had to start to set things right. It mattered to me. Finally something did.
I met someone today who has meant a lot to me. I made my peace with him in every single way. I've grown with you and without you. I wish the best for you :) I finally have a plan for the next two years of my life. Very hands on, something that I love! I finally get what being 22 is about. I'm done with being told that I'll always be a pumpkin and nothing else. It doesn't hurt anymore. I don't find it hard to let go. I may see her for only 12 weeks in my entire life but I'm thankful that we were thrown in together. The sibling and I needed that holiday and we can laugh about everything. They are just always there. I don't beat myself down anymore. I am not afraid. Peace prevails and is here to stay. And that's all that I was looking for.
"Every night when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn." - Mahatma Gandhi
I hate what became of me the last six months. Dysfunctional relationships, academics that went nowhere, a job that kept me sane but I wasn't giving it my all, literally whining about a holiday and extreme fear of what I'll evolve into. Then I discovered a new mantra. It was called "I just don't care." Fight with someone? Don't care. Hurt somebody? Been hurt? Don't care. Lost a friend? Don't care. Got a terrible grade? Stomach upset? Feeling lonely? Existing like furniture? Love handles? Politics? Best friend doesn't seem like the best anymore? Don't care, Don't care, DON'T CARE! Then I got exhausted of not caring. I was too tired to feel hurt, angry, upset, played around with, foolish, unhappy. I hated the feeling of being left by myself and believing that I was turning difficult. In someone's words, Like the whole world was conspiring to hurt me. :P Waitaminut.. The Alchemist didn't talk about that. The universe was supposed to conspiring in other ways...Then it all fell in place.
There are some days when I feel that the world around me has signs and clues laid out. Things are always meant to happen. Even when I take a step to make it work, THAT was meant to happen. Only, I turn a little slow when I can't figure out my clues. And that throws me in the middle of, what I shall call, Drama. Romanticizing every little event, occurrence, happening. I loved it all. I found it amusing when I could over react, misinterpret and what not and then laugh about all of it at the end of the day. I knew others who did it too so that in some weird way made me normal. Ha!
I'll tell you what's normal. Sleeping at 11 and waking up at 7. Believing in the general goodness of every human being and loving them the way they are. Not piling up your plate like you haven't seen food for the last 6 months. Taking time off and visiting old friends. Sticking to deadlines and planning the bigger things in life. Loving myself. Loving others. You know what I mean.
It doesn't sound all that bad. I quite like normal. My 6 months of hell are over. And I knew exactly where I had to start to set things right. It mattered to me. Finally something did.
I met someone today who has meant a lot to me. I made my peace with him in every single way. I've grown with you and without you. I wish the best for you :) I finally have a plan for the next two years of my life. Very hands on, something that I love! I finally get what being 22 is about. I'm done with being told that I'll always be a pumpkin and nothing else. It doesn't hurt anymore. I don't find it hard to let go. I may see her for only 12 weeks in my entire life but I'm thankful that we were thrown in together. The sibling and I needed that holiday and we can laugh about everything. They are just always there. I don't beat myself down anymore. I am not afraid. Peace prevails and is here to stay. And that's all that I was looking for.
"Every night when I go to sleep, I die. And the next morning, when I wake up, I am reborn." - Mahatma Gandhi
Friday, May 15, 2009
They don't get me. I am apparently quirky, "philosophical", mercurial and a million other things. Pin your hope on something only to be told quite rudely that it isn't really worth it. Pick between love and friendship. Pick neither. Hug, kiss, hold but you don't belong. Choose. Assimilate signs... accommodate the unknown. Keeping quiet makes you more mature. Go to a party only to realise you shouldn't have left your cozy little bed. Too scared to break loose? Do it right now. Hot, white rage. Replay it till it makes you want to destroy. Just don't melt. Make your anger all encompassing and burn what comes in front of you. Just a bunch of jackasses or they just don't know? A confused mind is almost as good/bad as no mind. Believe now, don't believe the next minute. Forgiving's easy. Forgetting doesn't happen... so why forgive at all? Maybe a good memory is a bane after all. One tight slap is what is needed. May be a couple. But then again... hmmmm.... I don't give a damn!
But what I do care about is a friend who comes down every week from Chennai with oodles of happiness, a future I can actually envision and doesn't seem so distant anymore, a mad room mate who loves the guitar almost as much as fish fry, my support system that makes me want to do my best, lunch with a friend who opens up a world of positivity for me, family that is just always there, love that is pure.
It's all come to an end and life couldn't get better! :)
But what I do care about is a friend who comes down every week from Chennai with oodles of happiness, a future I can actually envision and doesn't seem so distant anymore, a mad room mate who loves the guitar almost as much as fish fry, my support system that makes me want to do my best, lunch with a friend who opens up a world of positivity for me, family that is just always there, love that is pure.
It's all come to an end and life couldn't get better! :)
Saturday, May 2, 2009
To The Gullu's People
Teddy, Drummer Boy, And All, China Town, Sameer, Harish, Ajay....
This still cracks me up and brings back some fun memories! :)
This still cracks me up and brings back some fun memories! :)
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