Funny!

You hit the nail on the head! Crazy as we are...

P.S. Stop laughing, DB.. I can almost hear you say - I told you!!

On My Bookshelf

Sleep. Travel. Learn.

And my mantra for life is set.

I thought the book was witty and uplifting yet deep.

I'll Be Okay

It's time to let you go
It's time to say goodbye
There's no more excuses
No more tears to cry

There's been so many changes
I was so confused
All along you were the one
All the time I never knew

I want you to be happy
You're my best friend
But it's so hard to let you go now
All that could have been
I'll always have the memories
She'll always have you
Fate has a way of changing
Just when you don't want it to

Throw away the chains
Let love fly away
Till love comes again
I'll be okay

Life passes so quickly
You gotta take the time
Or you'll miss what really matters
You'll miss all the signs
I've spent my life searching
For what was always there
Sometimes it will be too late
Sometimes it won't be fair

I won't give up
I won't give in
I can't recreate what just might have been
I know that my heart will find love again
Now is the time to begin

I can't hold on forever baby
I'll be okay

Not as dramatic but in whatever little sense. Something tells me this too shall pass...

Dedication Time!

This played while I was sipping my iced tea in McD's. Rith, you're the first person who came to my mind. Love ya!

Of Conversations

Two little girls and I are walking up the road after class. The girls are bubbling with excitement as they tell me about their holiday plans.

Girl 1 : Akka, I am going for painting class.

Girl 2: And I am going to join Bharatnatyam classes.

Me: Really? Wow! That's nice!

Girl 2: Akka, DB akka told us that you dance very well! Please show.

Me (still shocked by the statement): Me? Dance? Sweetheart, my feet refuse to coordinate with each other. I can sing in front of a million people but don't ever mention the D word in front of me.

Girl 1 (without batting an eyelid): Okay, then sing for us.

Girl 2: Yesssss! Sing Bum bum bole.

Me (wondering how I manage to get myself in situations like this): Sigh! Okay. Dekho dekho kya woh...

The girls join in...

All three of us (with actions): Masti mein tu dol re.. aye bum bum bole...

A few minutes of complete silence.

Girl 1 and Girl 2: Akka, if this was an exam, we would give you 100/100 for your singing.

And that ladies and gentlemen, will go down as one of the best compliments I have ever received. No drama, no flattery. Just straight from the heart! :)

There is magic in the air. This city has molecules of life floating around. There is no place on earth like my city. This is what was buzzing through my head while I was crossing Residency Road.. from the Crossword side to the Mayo Hall side, avoiding all those buses and honks. I stood at the bus stop waiting for the Big Red Volvo and kept flipping through the pages of my book. It's the third one this week and I feel so proud of myself! I am attempting a full fledged Read-a-thon. And all's right! I have wayyyy too much time on my hands. But with a noble cause like this, it doesn't really bother me. What adds to my bubbling happiness is that I have finally started my diet! Yay! Once more so YAY!!! Stomach crunches, walks, 8 hours of sleep, no junk food for a week and I can already see the difference. I feel like a feather.. Nice and light! And I think I'm curing myself of depression eating. Few weeks more and the wretched love handles will be gone! I have a vacation lined up. Do I love my sibling or what? My support system is working beautifully! Everyone's just always there. The ones in different cities provide refuge from several miles. Iced tea is my drink for this summer. Summer. Orange ice candy, sleeveless clothes, lots of water, shopping, light colours - It has to be the most wonderful time of the year! And yes, I still like being taken care of :)

I read the paragraph again and again. The things that trouble me seem like specks of dust. I blow hard. They disappear. I don't think I'll be seeing them for a while. Do I care? Nope. Life has so much more to offer...

Oh My Girls!

When I was little,
I used to believe in the concept of one best friend,
And then I started to become a woman.
And then I found out that if you allow your heart to open up,
God would show you the best in many friends.

One friend is needed when you're going through things with your man.
Another friend is needed when you're going through things with your mom.
Another will sit beside you in the bleachers as you delight in your children and their activities.
Another when you want to shop, share, heal, hurt, joke, or just be.
One friend will say, 'Let's cry together,'
Another , 'Let's fight together,'
Another , 'Let's walk away together.'

One friend will meet your spiritual need,
Another your shoe fetish,
Another your love for movies,
Another will be with you in your season of confusion,
Another will be your clarifier,
Another the wind beneath your wings.

But whatever their assignment in your life,
On whatever the occasion,
On whatever the day,
Or wherever you need them to meet you with their gym shoes on and hair pulled back,
Or to hold you back from making a complete fool of yourself ..
Those are your best friends.

It may all be wrapped up in one woman, But for many, it's wrapped up in several..
One from 7th grade,
One from high school,
Several from the college years,
a couple from old jobs,
On some days your mother,
On some days your neighbor,
On others, your sisters,
And on some days, your daughters.

Pits, Chims, DB, Rith, Moley, Rohi, Piggy, BTM, Radio Partner, Tara Girl, Paro, Kary, PBR, Agi, Mommy - Take a bow :)

I have been interacting with a lot of people in the past few weeks. Close friends, ex boyfriends, lost friends, acquaintances, family... it goes on.. and somehow the one favourite topic that is discussed at lunch, night outs, railway stations, car rides, gTalk, family dinner has been : The status of that one fluttery-flittery relationship. DB and I talk about in the "confession room" so often that now if I don't mention it to her, it seems ODD! Girls tell their girlfriends every single thing. How we felt at that time, how he said this to me, what his expression meant and how it didn't match what came out from his mouth, the way he smelled, the twinkle in his eye, how furious he makes me.... We remember, analyse, over analyse and interpret it all and it seems absolutely normal to us 'coz the gorgeous women around us just get it! And we wonder how men can call us complicated when they're the ones who haven't a clue about what they want in life!!

Love. Hate. Relationships. Forever. Splitsville. Heartbreak. We all go through it. Somebody once told me that my life would make a very interesting book. Handbook is more like it. There are enough and more experiences and emotions that have found their way into my life and can act as reference material for another person :) I like to believe that I am in tune with every bit of me and have no qualms in admitting it. Expressing it. I feel low, I phone a friend, I feel hurt, I lock myself in my room and cry out loud, I feel upset, I hold my mom, I feel happy, I spread it, I feel indifferent I snap out of it, I feel confused, I am aware of it... you get the hang of it... So coming back, a friend asked me a simple question the other night about a certain relationship. It isn't the first time he's brought it up. I never give him a straight answer. I offer him a million excuses instead. Sometimes I wonder why I can't tell him what's going on knowing well enough that he will understand. But yes, my mind starts jogging and it takes me a couple of days, phone calls and me time to figure things out. Some introspection too.

In the beginning, everything seems like a dream. The sweet nothings, candy, flowers, midnight conversations, sudden love for poetry, travelling to the other end of the city even if it means spending only 5 minutes with the person - Oh-so-perfect *teeheehee*. A few months down the line and you feel like a middle aged couple. Yelling at each other, fighting over the silliest things, the cute things turn irritating, getting on each others nerves and the most common "complaint": I'm being taken for granted. In another friends words : You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost. But that's exactly what it is. If I was to look around me, all that people say is the spark died out. WTF? Is that how it's gonna be for me too? (I try to ignore both the times it was actually given to me as an excuse to walk out of what I thought was absolutely wonderful :P). "It's about the chase. it's always better than the kill itself." "If I fall IN love, I give myself the option to fall OUT of it too", "I get bored really fast." "Right now I just want to have fun. I'm not looking at anything serious." "Oh, i just don't want to make the effort." How come I never find myself saying things like this? I make a choice, I stick by it unless we're all set to kill each other. Maybe then I'll say truce and walk out. And sometimes, the friendship is too big a stake to place!

I remember him asking me once: why are you single? To that I answered: Because I can't go out and discover a new person, see if things match, if we're compatible and then after everything I don't want to be stuck with someone who fights all the time. It should be smooth. I was still recovering from my first (and hopefully only) heartbreak. He looked at me and said: you cannot love without hate. The fights only prove that you both are passionate. If they didn't happen, you would never love the other completely. Oh, how I guffawed at it!! I thought he'd flipped his lid and wouldn't stop laughing. Looking back, in some weird way, I get what he meant. But still why date anyone? I believe that everybody has a pair of arms that they fit into perfectly. We all have our quirks. We are conscious about it and think it's abnormal. Trust me, it's not. If I'm willing to take out the time and put in the effort to tell someone that his life did not go unnoticed, I would want the same too, for him to say : I noticed that you have an affinity towards lime green sneakers, you can't sit still if you don't face the door, you need your space, you name everything you own..... and I think it's normal! *sigh* A puddle of me shall touch the floor... ok it doesn't take just that much but you know what I mean :)

Love encompasses all. It's all for giving, it's all forgiving. As a child, I used to think that it cannot be shared with just one person. You needed a lot more to make the place, the space happy. I still believe it. Maybe it just takes different forms now. Giving my folks a hug when they walk in after a tiring day, making a phone call just because I miss someone, running to a friend's house just to check on him/her, surprise gifts, walks, helping someone...it all comes out of care and concern for the other. And when you are woken up by excited whines and barks and tails that don't stop wagging, you know it's love for sure.

"A cistern contains. A fountain overflows."

Buhahaha!

*Melt*.... I wish I knew how you did it with such class. I hate that laugh!

Awwwwww... No, I actually like it a lot. Just that I hate how it dissolves my anger.

I still have to climb the water tank with you. And the goodies need to be delivered before I leave. Doofus!

Stop reading my mind. Stop being nice to me. OK, don't stop. I like the spontaneity and the Awwws that I generate.

Doofus moment again - Remember, you pinch a person's CHEEKS. I'll spell it out again: C-H-E-E-K-S!

Soft little ones as compared to impulsive loud ones? Thump on your head.

5 years works for me 'coz whatever the end might be, I'll still win :)... and hopefully by then I would have figured it all out.

Momo stealer. Me, not you. I can eat almost as much as you can.

DB, please don't go! Bangalore's not going to be as much fun now that its best person is leaving. *Sniff*

I'm better looking and I'd like to believe I'm smarter and much nicer! Agi, Db - Stop laughing.

Ro, your story just might come true!

Let every birthday be a celebration. Let everyday be an occasion :)

My hands are photogenic.

2 months down the line and I couldn't be happier.

Mom, Dad - pretty much the light of my life! :)

Struck the "meow" off my list long back.. that poor guy on the cycle must be still tottering :P

I can't help feeling nice and wicked at the same time. I want it to work with all my heart yet I know where the roundabout ends... horrid I am! But the sweet kind of horrid :)

Vegetarianism? Let's see.

The system, at some point of time will require, love, alcohol and good cakes. Till then I shall get by with a little help from my friends, get high with a little help from my friends. And they do a darn good job of making me smile :)

Kahin to, kahin to…
hai nasha teri meri har mulaqat mein
hothon se, hothon ko
choomte… rehte hain hum har baat pe

Kehti hai fiza jahaan
tere zameen-asmaan
jahaaan hai tu meri hassi
meri khushi meri jaan…

Don't ask me why. Don't get your minds jogging. Don't draw conclusions. If at some point of your lives you've felt this way, you will just know :)

...

Pink Panther 2 last night. Pretending to study. Strawberry shortcake sung in an annoying voice. Ancient birthday snaps and videos. Giggles. Watching old Hindi Songs on Youtube till 4 AM. Pehla Nasha. Waking up at 9:30 - "We'll sleep for 10 minutes more" - O, the clock struck 12. Shreyas. Nishuuuu. Jhandu. Awesome, awesome lunch. Hot chocolate fudge. Furtado's. Attempting Fur Elise on the piano. Leaving on a jetplane - Maaeri - You've got a friend - I want to hold your hand on the guitar. Transit. Conversation. Back to the adda. Updates. Bike ride. Home. Watermelon-y dinner. Happiness.

I didn't miss anyone. I didn't long to be with anyone. I didn't crave for chocolate. I didn't put my guard up.

In one word, perfect.

I'm trying to figure out how screwed my head is right now. Ok wait, maybe screwed is not the word. I don't know what is. I have an assignment submission tonight and I know for a fact I'm not going to finish on time and it's upsetting me. My brain is a voluntary organ that decides to switch off whenever it feels like. I hate what's become of me over the last couple of months. I hate what I've allowed myself to become. Lazy, fat, bereft of passion and interest of any kind and sadly I don't know if I have any diligence, sincerity and discipline left in me. I used to take pride in working within a well defined structure, allocating enough time to finish all that was on my To Do list, avoid taking breaks in between my jobs and end the day with a broad smile for having accomplished something. Where has all of that gone? Now I'm irascible most of the times, my mind focuses on the most irrelevant and insignificant things, I yawn at the thought of hard work and can't seem to push myself to move an inch. It annoys me. The only thing that frustrates me more is that it's all my own doing. My folks don't question me about my studies or what I'm upto because they just trust my decisions. Well, I'm not doing a good job of being smart. I feel like I'm just wasting my life away. Yes, Me! The girl who knew what heights she wanted to scale at the age of 14, what dreams she wanted to turn into reality, who chucked a daft albeit well paying job to one side on the basis of just an interview call and believed she would make it to one of her dream schools. And now when she has a plethora of opportunities and resources in front of her, she is doing nothing about it. I give myself the vaguest of excuses, convince myself that I have other important things to attend to and then in the end make a mess of everything. EVERY SINGLE THING! And I'm not growing any younger to think I have all the time in the world to settle things in the future! I've just forgotten to live in the moment and I feel whacking myself for it. Yes, I have issues with my academics. I feel inexperienced and inadequate sometimes and feel helpless because my age is the biggest hindrance in this case. This sets off a series of thoughts but thankfully stops just before I breakdown or burn out. I'm fine for a while and then it begins again. I hate it!

I think it's time for me to transform into a more dedicated individual. Just the kind I've known myself to be. If it means seeing lesser of the city, spending more time at home, cutting down on the fun (not giving it up entirely), catching up on all my reading, breaking free of social networking sites and this F*** all need to constantly be in touch with people, keeping my mind active, developing analytical and critical thinking abilities and gaining perspective, so be it. I don't want to deteriorate further. I just want to get the lost bits of "me" back and start all over again!